


Heaven We're Already Here

by minyxrd_03



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: AFTG Big Bang 2019, Are they friends?, But there's nothing explicit, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Idk not really, M/M, Neighbors, No Details, drake is vaguely mentioned, everyone loves a fake dating au right?, neighbors to lovers is probably more accurate, neil and aaron get along because it's what they deserve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-10-14 21:37:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 41,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20607728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minyxrd_03/pseuds/minyxrd_03
Summary: Neil’s overeager coworker, Nicky, has been nagging him about dating for as long as they’ve known each other. Constantly asking why he’s single and how ‘someone as good looking as him isn’t seeing anybody.’ On a night where he is particularly sick of this question - and possibly a little tipsy - Neil answers with the first name that comes to mind: Andrew Minyard, his neighbor. What Neil didn't know until now is that Andrew Minyard just happens to be Nicky’s cousin. Neil is adamant that he stick to his mistake rather than confessing it was all a lie, but that means getting Andrew to go along with it.





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> i feel like i've been working on this for so long wow. and i guess it has been several months, which is crazy. this is the first chapter fic i've written (and finished) in ages, and i'm so crazy excited about it! please check out my wonderful artist on tumblr, @nneiljostenn i'm so happy to have this out in the world, and i hope people like it as much as i do!

The cat stared at him from a distance. Orange and white, and as stubborn as the man who owned him. He was crouched on the floor, keeping an eye on the kitchen table and Neil Josten, who was staring back just as intently. Neil didn't break eye contact, even as he lifted his mug up to his lips.

“What?” Neil asked the cat, peering over the brim. The question seemed to make him lose interest, as he looked away and scampered off in some other direction. Neil rolled his eyes and stood up from the table, carrying his now empty mug into the kitchen and discarding it in the sink. He checked the time on his phone before disappearing into his bedroom to finish getting ready for work. 

He emerged again, once ready, and scanned the room in search of his cat. He found him sprawled out in front of the door as if he knew exactly what time it was and where Neil was headed. Neil bent over and scratched him on the head, which emitted a loud purr. When he stood back up, he gently tapped the cat a couple times with his foot.

“Okay, buddy,” Neil said. “You have to get out of the way so I can go to work.” Neil opened the door a little which finally made the cat begrudgingly oblige. “Bye, King. I’ll be back later.” He opened the door the rest of the way and stepped into the hallway. 

As Neil made sure the door was locked, he heard the door across the hall open, as well as the jingle of keys. When he turned around, he was greeted by his neighbor, Andrew. 

Neil had moved into his apartment a little over a year ago, and for the first two and a half weeks, he assumed the apartment across the hall was vacant. He never saw anybody go in or out, never heard noise coming from the place, and he never ran into anybody in the lobby. It wasn’t until he came home one day, arms full of groceries, that he left the door open while setting bags down. He did not notice when King got out and he shut the door with his cat on the other side. It was only 5 minutes before Neil realized he had not seen King since getting home, and another 5 minutes of panicked searching before there was a knock at the door. The first thing Neil noticed upon opening the door was King, staring at him from the arms of a stranger. The second thing he noticed was the stranger who was holding his cat. 

Neil noticed right away that the stranger was shorter than him and he noticed this because no one was shorter than him. His height, however, did nothing to make him less intimidating. He was dressed head to toe in black and held a truly apathetic gaze. Even holding Neil’s passive and docile cat did nothing to undercut his edge. Although, the blonde hair did throw Neil off a little bit. It didn't seem like the appropriate hair color for the look this guy was clearly trying to go for. But Neil didn't feel intimidated; just confused. And grateful that King was okay. 

“Is this thing yours?” The guy asked him. His voice lacked just as much interest as his facial expression. Or...lack of facial expression. Neil wondered if he just really hated cats and was angry that he had to be holding one right now. 

“Yeah,” Neil said, reaching for King, who seemed perfectly content to be held by this random stranger that Neil was feeling very perplexed by. “Thanks. Where did you find him?” The guy handed Neil his cat. 

“I heard a scratching at my door and I opened it and he was just sitting there. No one else on this floor has cats, so I knew he had to be yours.” 

Neil looked at him for a moment. “You live on this floor?”

“I live across the hall.” 

Neil glanced behind him, as if this new information would change the appearance of the door he saw every day. “Oh,” Neil said, trying to figure out why this felt so weird to him. “Well, thanks again. I love him, but he is kind of a moron. He wouldn’t have gotten very far.” 

The guy continued to look at him and now Neil really didn't know how to feel. “I’m Neil,” He said. Under normal circumstances, he would have offered him his hand, but something told him the guy wouldn’t take it if he did. Thankfully, he was still holding King so it was an excuse to skip past that formality. 

At first, Neil didn't think he was going to respond. He certainly looked like he didn't care at all about whatever Neil’s name was, but then he said, “Andrew.” Which was certainly not the response he’d been expecting to hear. It was such a normal name for someone seemingly so...irregular. The guy, Andrew - his neighbor - looked at Neil for another second before turning back to his apartment, obviously done with this interaction. Before either of them returned to their respective apartments, though, Andrew looked back at Neil. “I have a cat, too.” He paused. “He’s also a bit of a moron.” 

Neil watched, rightfully dumbfounded, as Andrew walked back into his apartment and shut the door without saying anything else. It was an interaction he couldn’t really comprehend and sometimes, when he thought about it a little too hard, he was convinced he had imagined the whole thing. 

Although he actually did see Andrew after that. Occasionally they would run into each other on their way to or from work. Those interactions were always pretty limited, but they weren’t awkward, either. Once, Andrew even got Neil to catsit for him when he went away for the weekend. Neil definitely wouldn’t have called Andrew his friend, but they didn't feel like ‘just’ neighbors. They knew nothing about each other and they both seemed okay with that, but there was nothing awkward or uncomfortable about being around each other. Neil considered it to be the perfect set-up. Perhaps even better than when he originally thought he had no neighbor at all. 

Now, a year later, Andrew and Neil both stood in the hall watching each other from a distance before Andrew acknowledged him with a nod, “Josten.” He moved towards the staircase.

“Minyard,” Neil responded and joined him on the walk down. 

They didn't say another word for the entirety of the three flights it took them to get to the main floor. Once they stepped outside, Andrew headed left as he always did and Neil headed right as he always did. 

“See you,” Neil said, before they split up. Andrew responded with a vague gesture like he always did, and then Neil was walking down the street by himself. Not for long. There was only one car parked in between his and Andrew’s, so they weren’t very far from each other. 

Neil started his car and heard Andrew’s coming to life behind him. He waited for Andrew to drive past, again signalling with another gesture as he did so, before Neil pulled away from the curb. 

Neil’s job was temporary. It was something he enjoyed for now, but it wasn’t what he planned on doing forever. What he really wanted to do was go back to school so he could finish up his degree, but that was expensive and he needed to work a lot more hours to afford it. So he took a break after his first semester in his third year and promised he would go back as soon as he could afford to do so. Since then, he’d been working at a small, locally owned plant store with both regular and consistent hours. However, because it was a small store, there were only a few employees. Some of them Neil never saw because they worked evenings and weekends, and one of them - the manager - Neil worked with every day. 

The problem was not that Neil had to work with his manager every day. He did his job well and it was obviously not a high-pressure environment. No, the problem was that his manager was one of the most over-eager people Neil had ever met in his life and keeping up with such high energy, as well as an invasive attitude, could get very exhausting. 

Said manager was sitting behind the counter on his phone when Neil walked in. He looked up upon hearing the bell above the door jingle and smiled. 

“Hey, Neil.” He said.

“Hey,” Neil replied and joined him behind the counter. There were two cups of coffee sitting on the counter. One of them had his name on it in very bad handwriting, and the other one said, ‘nikki.’

“They spelled my name wrong,” Nicky said, sliding the one with Neil’s correctly spelled name over to him. “But here. I was up early and thought, it’s Friday. We deserve coffee.” 

“Thanks,” Neil said. 

They sat in silence for a few minutes, which Neil greatly savored because he knew it would not last long. 

It wasn’t that Neil didn't like Nicky, because he did. He would probably even go as far to say they were friends and not just coworkers. After all, Neil was going to Nicky’s wedding next month, and he wouldn’t go to a wedding if he was not friends with the person getting married. So, yes, Neil did like Nicky. It was just that Nicky had a very big personality and at eight in the morning, Neil could only take so much incessant chatter. 

Just as Neil expected, Nicky launched into conversation about his wedding and how he couldn’t believe how soon it was, and all the things he had to do before. Neil did his best to listen, but it was hard to do. The coffee did help. Their first customer came in a moment later and Neil was more than happy to help her out. 

As the day went on and Neil was no longer half asleep, it became easier to listen to all - or most, anyways - of Nicky’s anecdotes. It also, however, became much busier and there was no time for idle chit chat. Shortly after Neil got back from his lunch break, there was a bit of down time. 

“So I was thinking,” Nicky said, setting a box down on the counter. He began emptying it as he informed Neil of what he was thinking. “Erik is working late tonight and my apartment is going to be all quiet and empty and I hate going home to that. So how would you like to get drinks after work?” 

Neil considered the offer. He didn't have anything going on tonight and he was in a good enough mood that he could handle putting up with Nicky for an extended couple of hours. He nodded. 

“Sure. That sounds fun.” 

“Cool,” Nicky said, picking up the now empty box. “We can just meet some place after work.” Neil nodded again and they both continued working. 

At 5, when the evening workers arrived, they chose a place to meet up and then took off in their own vehicles. Nicky was waiting at the doors by the time Neil got there and they walked in and got a table together. 

“What do you think of the new girl I just hired?” Nicky asked once they ordered drinks. 

“I’ve never spoken to her,” Which was true, but that didn't mean he didn't already have an opinion of her. “But the store is always a mess when I come back in the morning, and it never was before you hired her.” 

“Yeah, I noticed that, too.” 

They continued talking about work because it was the easiest thing for them to relate to, but then Nicky started talking about Erik - his fiancé - and the wedding, as well as many other assorted topics. Then, to prove he didn't need to be the only one talking, he asked Neil questions about college and his family, although he didn't have much of the latter so that conversation died out before it could even begin. 

Then, when they were somewhere between drunk and sober - Neil much more sober than Nicky - Nicky set his nearly empty glass down and looked at Neil. And Neil knew exactly what he was going to say. 

“So,” Nicky said. Neil braced himself for the question. “Are you seeing anybody?” 

This was not a shocking question. It was not an unusual question; it was actually a very Nicky question. Every single time the two of them went out for drinks after work, which really wasn’t that often but it kind of felt like it was, Nicky asked Neil this same question. Sometimes when it was really slow at work, Nicky asked this question. Sometimes he wouldn’t even ask. He would just not-so-subtly hint that he had single friends, or make Neil go assist the good-looking customer because Nicky was suddenly too busy to do it himself. 

And every single time, Neil always had the same answer: ‘I’m not in a relationship, and I am okay with that.’ Or something along those lines. 

Neil knew Nicky had good intentions. He wasn’t one of those people that assumed everybody needed to be in a relationship or they would be miserable. He was just the kind of person whose relationship was so magical and perfect - his words - that he forgot not all relationships were like that. 

Neil hadn't even thought of his answer beforehand. It was just so natural at this point; like a reflex. But for some reason, he hesitated. Maybe it was because of how hopeful Nicky seemed to be this time, or maybe he was drunker than he initially thought. Or maybe he just felt like messing with Nicky to get him off of his back. No matter what the reason, Neil didn't go with his usual response. Instead he said, 

“Yeah,” He didn't really know where he was going from here but hopefully something would take shape. “I’ve sort of been seeing someone.” 

The look on Nicky’s face was so bright and so thrilled that it was comparable to the day he told Neil he was engaged. He had been considerably less shocked that day than he was right now, though. Clearly he had been expecting Neil to give him the same answer he always did and no longer knew how to proceed. This was unchartered territory; for both of them. 

“Really?!” Nicky said. “What’s their name?” 

Neil probably should have given a fake name; the name of someone he didn't actually know. In hindsight, that probably would have been the smart thing to do. Instead, he went with the very first name that came to his mind and decided to go with it. 

“His name,” Neil said. “Is Andrew Minyard.” 

Neil didn't know how to decipher the look on Nicky’s face. He thought, initially, that his cover had been blown before the lie could even get off the ground. That somehow, just from the name, Nicky would know he was just messing with him. 

Nicky stared at Neil for a surprisingly long time without saying anything. Just looked at him with his brows drawn together, blinking several times. 

“Andrew Minyard?” Nicky said after a silence that lasted much too long. 

“Yes…” Neil said, cautiously. He was starting to regret lying. 

“Short, blonde, kind of an asshole?” 

_Of course._ Of course, of all the names Neil could have picked, he picked someone Nicky actually knew. And how? How did someone as loud and lively as Nicky know Andrew? All callous and broody? 

“Yeah,” Neil desperately wished he hadn't backed himself into this corner. He wished he hadn't decided to have some fun with this and had just told the truth like he always did. “You know him?” 

“He’s my cousin.” 

“Oh.”

Of course he was his cousin and of course he wouldn’t know he was his cousin. He wasn’t surprised Andrew had never told him that; he wasn’t exactly an open book. But he was very surprised that he’d never found out from Nicky. Neil was pretty sure he knew just about every thing there was to know about Nicky, so of all the details for him to not know, of course this was the one. 

“Wow,” Nicky said.His face shifted from confusion to what Neil interpreted as shock and delight. He was pretty sure this would be much worse. “You know, I would say I’m surprised Andrew didn't tell me, but I would actually be more surprised if he had told me.” 

Somehow Neil laughed. If only because he’d been thinking something very similar only a moment before. He didn't know where he was supposed to go from here or what he was supposed to say, which was unfortunate because Nicky suddenly had very many questions. 

“How long have you been dating? Wait, no, how do you know each other?”

“We’re neighbors.” He carefully avoided the first question and hoped the latter would be enough to keep Nicky distracted. His answer was also the first honest thing he’d said in a while. 

“Neighbors?” Nicky seemed very shocked by that. 

“Yeah. He lives across the hall from me.” 

“No way! That means whenever I go to Andrew’s, I’ve been walking past your place and I didn't even know it.” 

“I guess so.” 

“Wow.” He paused. “Why didn't either of you tell me?” 

“I didn't know you knew him,” Which was also true. “And like you just said, Andrew isn’t really one to disclose personal information. Neither am I. Plus, it’s very casual.” 

“Casual?”

“Yeah. It’s really not that serious.” By the look on Nicky’s face, he couldn’t comprehend the concept. “Look: it’s not that big of a deal, alright? We haven’t really been telling people about it, so please just...keep this to yourself for now. Okay?” 

Nicky stared at Neil for another moment, obviously trying to sort through all the new information that had just hit him in the last couple of minutes, but then he nodded. “Okay,” He said. “I promise.” 

Over the next 45 minutes or so, Neil did his best to keep the conversation in other directions and it kind of worked. While Nicky didn't directly bring it up, he did hint at it many times throughout the rest of the evening. Neil would have left much earlier, but he wasn’t sober enough to drive yet. He figured as long as he was with Nicky, there was very little harm he could cause, but as soon as they split up, he would have to diffuse the situation very quickly. 

As soon as Neil felt he was safe to drive, he said goodbye to Nicky who was not sober and got picked up by Erik. Neil tried to stay at the speed limit as he drove, but he continually found himself pressing his foot harder into the gas whenever he considered what Nicky may have already done. 

It was still so unfortunately coincidental that of all the names Neil could have picked, he chose the person who happened to be Nicky’s cousin. And how didn't he know that? Nicky was so open about nearly every aspect of his life; how did a cousin who lived right across the hall from Neil never come up? It was, Neil considered, possible that it had, but he had just so happened to tune it out, but it seemed unlikely that Neil had stopped listening every single time Andrew may have been mentioned. 

By the time he got back to his building, Neil didn't waste any time going to his own apartment, and instead fervently knocked on Andrew’s door, hoping he was home and that it wasn’t too late. The door swung open only a second later and all the words Neil had been preparing died in his throat when he saw Andrew. 

Except, this was not Andrew. Now, Neil may not have been completely sober and he may have been in a bit of a daze, but he had seen Andrew nearly every single day for the past year; he knew what Andrew looked like, and he knew what he did not look like. Even though this short, annoyed-looking blonde guy looked exactly like Andrew, this was not Andrew. 

“You’re not Andrew.” It was probably not the best way to start, considering this person standing in Andrew’s doorway looked exactly like him. But Neil was not thinking straight and he was very thrown off by the obvious changes in Andrew. 

The Andrew look-alike or impersonator or whatever raised an eyebrow, but a voice coming from inside spoke before he could. 

“Impressive,” Neil glanced inside and found who he immediately recognized to be Andrew standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. “Although upsetting to know I’ll never be able to get my twin brother to stand in place of me when I get sick of living next to you.” 

A twin. That made so much more sense. Neil looked back at Andrew’s twin brother, who seemed both confused and impressed and also had not yet said a word. 

“Well,” Neil said. “You may look identical, but there are a few key differences between the two of you.” He looked between the two of them, trying to make sense of what was going on. 

Andrew considered this for a moment, but didn't verbally acknowledge it. Instead, he approached the door and his twin stepped to the side. “What are you doing here, Josten?” Neil had almost forgotten what he was doing here after what had happened, but the reminder brought back all the anxiety. 

“Yeah,” Neil said, trying to remember exactly what he’d planned to say on the way over. “Do you think we could talk for a moment? Across the hall?” He gestured behind him. Andrew stared at him for a moment, and then looked at his brother. 

“I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He said. His brother still didn't say anything; only nodded. 

Andrew joined Neil in the hall and then followed him into his apartment. He didn't say anything, only crossed his arms and looked around the room. Andrew had been over to Neil’s place a couple of times, but never for very long and never for a reason like this. Andrew’s gaze landed on Neil who now stood in his kitchen, leaning on his counter. He watched Andrew, trying to decide how to explain everything. 

“It’s amazing,” Neil started. “How you can live across the hall from a person for a full year and not know they have an identical twin and a cousin who you work with.” Andrew raised an eyebrow - Neil couldn’t help but notice how utterly different the same expression looked on Andrew than it did his brother - and the corner of his mouth twitched into a short-lived smirk. 

“Oh, so you finally figured it out, huh?” 

“You knew?” Andrew shrugged. “You never brought it up? 

“It was more fun this way. Wanted to see how long it took you to realize.” 

“Yeah, it finally came up.” 

“So, what am I doing here?” Andrew asked, back to his typical flat expression. 

“Actually, it has to do with how I found out Nicky is your cousin…”

Neil clearly had Andrew’s interest, and proceeded to fill him in on what, exactly he had done. Andrew’s face remained passive throughout the entire retelling, but Neil could tell he was listening. When he finished, Andrew just looked at him. 

Neil was feeling very anxious for Andrew’s reaction. He wasn’t sure if he would be mad or annoyed or what. He awaited Andrew’s response, trying - and failing - to gauge Andrew’s mood based on his lack of expression. Sometimes with Andrew there was an indicator of how he was feeling; a raised eyebrow, tension in his jaw, posture. Right now, Neil was picking up on none of that and it was making him very unsettled. 

“Wow,” Andrew finally said. “You really are an idiot, aren’t you?” 

That wasn’t necessarily the answer Neil was expecting, but he also wasn’t too surprised that that’s what he got. He didn't deny it; this situation was not exactly the best display of his intelligence. 

“Yours was the first name I thought of.” He said. 

“Mhm.” Neil caught something in his tone, but he couldn’t figure out what it was and he didn't dwell on it. “And you couldn’t find a single way to get yourself out of this? You couldn’t say it was a joke? Couldn’t say you knew another Andrew Minyard, or even just admit you were lying? None of that crossed your mind?” 

It had, in fact, crossed his mind, but only after he'd left the bar. Unfortunately, that had not been helpful at the time. 

“I panicked.” Neil said. “Once I found out you were his cousin I got very confused.” 

“Clearly.” 

“So?” Neil asked.

“‘So’ what?” 

“Will you help me?” 

“You’re going to have to be more specific, Neil.” 

“Will you go along with it? If it comes up, will you tell him we’ve been seeing each other, but only casually?”

“What’s in it for me?” Andrew asked.

“Helping out a friend?” Which was a bold statement to make, as Neil wasn’t even sure they were friends. But he was desperate. 

“Wow. I’m losing interest that I never even had in the first place.” 

“Andrew, please? I feel really bad for lying to him and I would really rather him not know that I did.” 

“So why did you?”

“I don’t know,” Neil said. “I panicked.” 

Andrew eyed Neil for a long moment and then began making his way towards the door. “It just doesn’t seem like something I’d be interested in. I did enjoy hearing you beg, though. Now if you’ll excuse me,” He stopped just shy of the door and looked back at Neil with a taunting expression. “I have company.” He stepped out of Neil’s apartment, leaving him alone and leaving him in a much deeper hole than the one he’d originally dug for himself. 

\---

Neil woke up earlier than he normally would on a Saturday, and no matter how badly he wanted to go back to sleep, he knew he had something more important to do. 

He walked into Sweetie’s - Andrew’s favorite coffee shop - and approached the counter where a pretty barista was working. She smiled at him. 

“Hi! What can I get for you?”  
“Hi, can I get a large black coffee and a large white chocolate mocha with extra sugar, whipped cream, and those, um, chocolate shavings on top?” Neil’s teeth ached just ordering the drink; he couldn’t imagine actually drinking it. 

The waitress looked at him for a second before punching in his order. She read him his total and then said, 

“Those two drinks are on opposite ends of the spectrum.” She looked up at him. “Any chance you know Andrew Minyard?” 

Neil wasn’t sure whether he wanted to laugh or scream. This had to be some kind of joke. “Does _everybody_ know Andrew? Don’t tell me, you’re a relative of his.” 

She laughed and glanced back at him as she started making his drinks. “Not technically, no. He’s a very good friend of mine, and a regular here. That’s how I knew this was for him; the drink you just ordered is his usual.” 

Neil relaxed. He supposed it did make sense that the waitress at Andrew’s favorite coffee shop would know who he was. “Right. Well, I kind of owe him a favor.” 

“I see,” She brought over two to-go cups and handed them to Neil in a tray. “Well, tell Andrew Renee says hello.” 

“I will. Thank you.” 

Neil didn't think all it would take for Andrew to agree was a coffee, but he thought maybe it would be a step in the right direction. If he could just soften him up a bit - if that was even possible - then he might be able to get Andrew to agree eventually. 

Just as he had the day before, Neil went straight to Andrew’s when he got back to their building. He knocked and waited for the door to open. Andrew answered - it was actually Andrew this time. Neil made sure of it - with his cat in his arms. First he saw Neil, then he saw the coffee, and then he looked back at Neil. 

“I’m only letting you in because I’m holding this thing.” He nudged the door open a little wider and let Neil in. 

Neil wandered over to the kitchen and set down the tray. He grabbed his own coffee from it and turned to face Andrew. “Renee says hello.” He said. 

“Oh, you met Renee, did you?” 

“Yeah. I seem to be meeting everybody you’re close to suddenly.” 

“You met Nicky a long time ago.” Andrew pointed out. 

“And yet I just found out he’s your cousin.” 

“It wasn’t pertinent information.” 

“Well it would have been nice to know yesterday.” 

“Hm,” Andrew set down his cat and joined Neil by the counter so he could grab his own coffee. “You know, meeting my friends and family, and buying me coffee doesn’t give you fake boyfriend status. Just so we’re clear.” 

Neil chose not to respond to the focal point of that statement. “I don’t know how you can call that stuff coffee. It’s 98% sugar and 2% caffeine.” 

“And yet both keep me awake during this tedious conversation.” He took a sip and stared at Neil over the rim of the cup. “Was there something else you needed?” He asked. 

Neil desperately wanted to ask again, but he knew what the answer was going to be and he knew he couldn’t push it. “No,” He said. “I was just getting myself a coffee and thought you might want a cavity disguised as coffee, as well.” 

“You went out first thing in the morning to get yourself a black coffee and then immediately come back home?” 

“Yes.” Neil walked towards the door and looked back at Andrew who was still watching him. 

“Enjoy your day.” Andrew said. 

Neil left the apartment without saying anything and walked across the hall to his own. He drank his coffee in silence with King at his feet as he tried to figure out what he was going to do. 

An hour later, he got a text from Nicky. 

**Have a good weekend!!!** It said. **Say hi to Andrew for me ;)**

Neil sighed and threw his phone to the side. He realized there was a good chance he was going to have to come clean to Nicky when he went to work on Monday. But he wasn’t going to give up just yet.

That evening, he headed back to Andrew’s with a small plant he’d taken home from work. Andrew answered and glowered at Neil. 

“What the fuck am I supposed to do with a plant?” He asked, but he took it from Neil anyways. “How is this a bribe?” 

“I don’t know,” Neil said. “It looks nice and makes your house smell good?” 

“I guess we’ll see about that.” Andrew replied before shutting the door in Neil’s face.

Nicky texted Neil several more times that weekend, which was not unusual as Nicky was an overtexter, but the context this time made Neil anxious. 

Neil went over to Andrew’s once more - on Sunday afternoon - but took a different approach. Both in gift and delivery. He brought over a gift card from the coffee shop, which he’d purchased from Renee, and cat toys and food. And instead of knocking on the door, annoying Andrew even more, he left the small package in front of the door for Andrew to discover later. 

On Monday morning, when Neil had heard nothing from Andrew all weekend, he accepted that he was going to have to come clean. He only wondered if he was going to tell Nicky himself, or wait for Andrew to sell him out. He decided it would probably be best for Nicky to hear it from him. 

Neil didn't run into Andrew on the way down, which he was grateful for. He knew Andrew would be unbearably smug and Neil didn't have the energy to deal with that today. He had to save it all for Nicky in a few minutes. 

But Neil didn't tell Nicky about it. Not right away, anyways. He was going to, but he decided it would be better to tell him closer to the end of their shift so they wouldn’t have to work together in the awkwardness of Neil’s lie for the whole day. 

That did, however, mean Nicky was relentless about the subject all morning. He brought up Andrew many times in only a few hours until Neil finally asked him to drop it. He reminded him that it was fairly new, that it was casual, and he was certain it wasn’t going to last very long, anyways. Nicky didn't drop it completely, but he did bring it up less. Neil considered that a win. 

Of course now Neil realized he had just lied some more despite his plan to confess to his lie later that day. He’d just made things harder for himself. 

Right as Neil was about to leave for his lunch, though, right after Nicky had gotten back from his, the door opened. Neil didn't bother looking up at first. He was too busy looking for his keys, but then whoever walked in approached the counter. Neil looked up, ready to hand the customer off to Nicky, but he didn't get very far. 

Andrew was standing in front of the counter, nonchalantly as if they had planned this, staring at Neil like what was happening was completely normal. Neil wanted to say something, but he found he didn't know what that might be. Luckily, Andrew was prepared. 

“Are you ready for lunch?” He asked. Again, as if they had talked about this beforehand. 

“Um…” Neil tried to find his bearings. He didn't want to get his hopes up about what was happening, but he couldn’t find another explanation for Andrew’s presence here. “Yeah. I was just looking for my keys.” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll drive.” 

“Okay.” Neil wasn’t sure where they were going or what was happening. He wished he could have asked Andrew that before Nicky appeared from the back, but he didn't get that far. 

Nicky stopped in the doorway and a grin spread across his face when he saw Andrew. He quickly set down the box he was holding and joined the two of them at the counter. 

“Hey, Andrew!” He looked between the two of them and Neil tried to look less confused. “What are you doing here?” As if he didn't already know. Although Neil wasn’t even sure what was going on yet. 

“We’re going for lunch.” Andrew said. Neil caught the ‘we.’ So did Nicky. 

“I can see that. Andrew,” Nicky said. “Why didn't you tell me you were dating Neil? I didn't even know you knew Neil.” Neil cringed at the question, waiting for Andrew to bring Neil’s lies to light. But he didn't. 

“It was none of your business. Besides, how was I to know you knew Neil?” 

“Don’t pretend you didn't know.” Neil interjected. He found his wallet and keys underneath the counter and put them in his pocket even though Andrew told him not to bother. “Okay, let’s go.” He said, hoping to get out of here before Andrew got another chance to confess. 

Andrew glanced at Nicky who was still smiling and headed to the doors with Neil a few steps behind. 

“Have fun!” Nicky called out. “And don’t worry if you get back a little late. I can handle this.” Andrew looked back once more and narrowed his eyes at Nicky. He pushed open the door and stepped to the side, letting Neil out first. This, of course, only confused Neil further, but he went outside anyways. Andrew led him to his car and neither of them said anything, no matter how much Neil wanted to. 

The main question Neil had was if this meant Andrew was agreeing to help him. He couldn’t see why else Andrew would be picking him up for lunch, holding the door open for him, not revealing the truth to Nicky. But Neil didn't ask; not yet. He didn't want to push too hard and make Andrew change his mind. If this was him agreeing, anyways. 

It was a few minutes before either of them said anything. It wasn’t until they were stopped at a red light that Andrew looked at Neil. Neil felt nervous waiting for whatever it was Andrew was going to say. 

“I have conditions.” Andrew said. Neil tried not to show how obvious his relief was, but it was a lot. 

“Of course,” Neil said. “Anything.” He didn't ask. He knew Andrew would share what those conditions were when he was ready and he didn't want to scare him off by being too eager. 

They arrived at a restaurant - somewhere Neil knew Andrew liked - and got a table inside. It was more of a diner or an eatery. Nothing fancy, but perfect for a quick lunch to discuss the boundaries of deceiving one’s cousin/coworker. They scanned their menus and every once in a while, Neil would glance up at Andrew. 

“No physical affection,” Andrew said without any warning. Neil looked up at him to find he was still staring at his menu, as though he hadn't said anything. But then he continued. “That includes hand holding, hugs. Anything that could be considered PDA. No pet names, either.” 

“Okay, good.” Neil said. “What else?” 

Now Andrew set down his menu. Neil did, too. “I want to lie as little as possible. If Nicky asks you a question, keep it as vague as possible. Evade questions if you can. Don’t give him anything he can work off of.” 

The waiter came over and took their orders then left with their menus. Andrew waited until he was further away before continuing. “No one else can think we’re ‘dating.’ He’s obviously going to tell Erik, but everyone else knows the truth. And no fancy dates. I know Nicky and I know he’s going to insist we go out for dinner with him and Erik. I’ll agree to that once, and that’s it.” 

Neil watched him for a while and then nodded when it was clear he was done. “Okay. Yeah, that all sounds fair.” He paused, trying to decide how grateful he should appear. Of course, he wanted Andrew to know he was, but he knew too big a display might make Andrew regret his decision and he didn't want that. “Thank you, Andrew. I really appreciate your help.” He hoped that wouldn’t be too much or too little. Andrew simply nodded and then looked away. 

They finished their dinner with limited conversation and one more show of appreciation from Neil, and then Andrew drove him back to work. Neil stopped just before getting out of the car and turned to Andrew. 

“What made you change your mind?” He asked. “You seemed pretty set on no.” Andrew’s gaze remained steadily forward for a long time before he looked at Neil. 

“Sir liked the toys you bought him.” He said. Neil smiled and Andrew looked away. “Now get out.” 

Again, Neil was about to, but when he looked at the store across the street, Nicky was blatantly staring at them. 

“Nicky is looking at us.” Neil pointed out. 

Andrew looked at Nicky and then at Neil. “I’m not going to kiss you,” As if that thought had even crossed Neil’s mind. “Now get the fuck out before I push you out.” Neil did so, saying goodbye and thank you once more, and then headed inside. Andrew drove away just as Neil walked in to find Nicky watching him with a knowing look. 

“How was lunch?” Nicky asked with an implicative tone that Neil did not care for. 

“It was fine,” Neil said. “Now let’s drop it.”


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a chapter dedicated to me being in love w allison.
> 
> jk but writing allison is like. generally just paragraphs of me being like "this is the most gorgeous person alive please crush me" anyways hope you like this, too. i'm glad people are enjoying this so far :)

Neil watched from the kitchen as the door to his apartment opened, and nervously drummed his fingers against the counter. His anxiety was not due to the door opening, but from the situation he had lodged himself in. Despite Andrew’s reluctant agreement to help him out, Neil still didn't feel convinced that something wasn’t going to go wrong. Andrew hadn't been very eager to help him out, after all, and there was always the chance that he would decide he no longer felt like helping. Neil just hoped Andrew wasn’t the type of person to break his promises. 

He felt his anxiety lessen just a little bit, though, when Matt Boyd, his best friend, walked in and shut the door behind him. Matt had the kind of energy that made bad situations seem manageable, and that maybe things weren't as bleak as they initially seemed. Neil, having the opposite energy, was always grateful for his presence.

“Hey,” Matt said. “What’s going on? I feel like I haven’t seen you in a while.” 

In reality, ‘a while’ was only four days. They’d hung out Thursday after they were both done work, but given Neil spent most weekends either at Matt’s and his wife’s, Dan, or with them sitting on his couch, not hanging out for a weekend felt like a long time. Neil had been preoccupied, though, and had not seen either of them since Thursday. A long time. 

Matt took a seat at the counter on a wobbly bar stool Neil had been meaning to replace and took one of the two drinks Neil had snagged from the fridge. 

“I did something stupid.” Neil said, and then filled Matt in. 

Matt’s reaction was a lot gentler than Andrew’s had been - which was not at all surprising - but it was still obvious that he agreed that it was not the smartest thing Neil had ever done. At least Matt had the courtesy of trying to be subtle about this. 

“Wow,” Matt said. His eyebrows were furrowed and he fiddled with the tab on the can, trying to come up with a response. He opened his mouth a couple of times, but each time said nothing. Finally, he shook his head. “I’m confused. Why did you say you were dating anybody in the first place? Why lie at all?” 

“I don’t know. I thought it would be fun to mess with him a little bit. How was I supposed to know that they would know each other?” 

“Sure,” Matt said, nodding. “I just have a couple more questions. Why, of all people, did you pick Andrew?” 

Matt had never met Andrew before, so all he knew about him was what Neil told him. It wasn’t that Matt hated Andrew, but it was very hard to paint Andrew in a good light. Not a friendly one, anyways. Neil had tried his best, but he didn't exactly blame Matt for being skeptical about this. 

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Matt, but I don’t know that many people. My social circle is you and Dan every weekend, and occasionally getting drinks with Nicky. I run into Andrew in the hall nearly every single day. Can you blame me for thinking of him first?” 

Matt pondered this for a moment. “I guess so. I just...I don’t understand why Andrew.” 

Neil let out a short and unexpected laugh. It sounded amusing coming from Matt. He would probably find the situation funny if it wasn’t him at the center of it. “I don’t know what to tell you,” Neil said, grinning, despite how frustrated he’d been with himself lately. “Andrew seemed like the least likely person to know Nicky. I mean, they’re polar opposites. It was just my luck that the first person I thought of happens to be related to Nicky.” 

Matt eyed Neil for a moment. He seemed wary which was a fair reaction. It was a rather unfortunate situation he’d gotten himself into and given how little he knew about Andrew, Matt was even more unsure about that aspect of it. Neil didn't blame him at all. But then Matt shook his head and a small smile appeared, making Neil feel so much better, in spite of everything. 

Matt lifted up his drink and nudged it in Neil’s direction, as if to clink their drinks together. “Well, here’s to hoping Andrew doesn’t rat you out.” Neil smiled and mirrored Matt’s gesture before taking a drink. 

Matt stayed at Neil’s for a couple of hours before he had to go pick Dan up from a friend’s. Before saying goodbye, Matt made Neil promise to keep him informed on any new updates in the situation. Neil hoped there would be nothing to come of this, that they would pretend for a little while longer and then call it off, but he agreed to do so, anyways. 

The following morning played out much like Friday morning had, and much like nearly every single morning always did. Neil ran into Andrew in the hallway, which was the only thing that was sometimes different, and they walked down the stairs together. Today, however, when Neil headed off in the opposite direction for his car, Andrew stopped him.

“You’re going the wrong way,” He said. Neil turned to find Andrew leaning against his own car, spinning his keys around his finger. 

“What?” Neil asked, despite the answer to his question seemingly pretty obvious. 

“I’m driving you to work,” Andrew said. He propped open the passenger door with his foot and waited for Neil to catch up. As he made his way to the other side of the car and Neil hesitantly got in, Andrew looked at him. “This will be more convincing. Just get in.”

Neil did, and couldn’t help but think of the day before when Andrew had been telling him to get out. This, Neil thought, was going to be very difficult to keep up with. 

“I didn't think you would care about making this seem realistic.” Neil said as he put on his seatbelt. Andrew waited until it clicked into place before he took off, something Neil noted with a bit of surprise. Safety didn't seem like something Andrew would prioritize. 

“I wouldn’t be helping you if I didn't want to make it seem realistic.” Andrew said. Neil thought about this. He figured Andrew would put in the bare minimum and call it a day, but if he was actually going to help Neil, that might make this a little bit easier. He relaxed into his seat. 

Andrew pulled up in front of the store. Both were very aware of Nicky noticing them and both did their best to pretend they were not. Instead, Neil turned to Andrew.

“Should I be expecting another surprise visit for lunch?” 

“Well I drove you here, didn't I? I’ll pick you up at noon.” 

Neil nodded and got out of the car. He said goodbye, to which Andrew responded with a nod and an ambiguous hand gesture. He went inside and braced himself for Nicky’s comments about Andrew driving him to work, but he remained surprisingly quiet. He said good morning, asked Neil how he was, and that was about it. He made a small amount of chit chat and spoke to him about work, but that was...it. Even when Andrew came back at lunch - he didn't come in this time, but still - Nicky said nothing except, ‘See you in an hour.’ It was odd and out of character, but Neil said nothing. 

By the time Neil got back after lunch, he was starting to believe the rest of the day could be had in silence. Without talking about what he expected Nicky to go on about. And while he did get that, he should have known there would be a price to pay.

About an hour after Neil had gotten back from lunch, Nicky approached the counter after helping out with a customer. Neil looked up and saw Nicky was smiling at him as though they were in on a secret. Which they kind of were, only what Nicky didn't realize was that the real secret was being kept from him. 

Nicky drummed his fingers on the counter one at a time. “So I was thinking,” Which immediately put Neil’s walls up. Most of the time when Nicky started a sentence like that, it was not a good sign. It was usually followed by something that Neil was not on board with. But he straightened up and listened anyways. “We should do a double date sometime. You and Andrew, and Erik and I.” 

Neil had two immediate and consecutive thoughts following this. The first one was a combination of dread and regret. Regret that he had gotten himself into this, and dread that he would have to sit at a dinner that was based on a lie for a couple of hours. The next thought was feeling impressed at how well Andrew knew his cousin. He didn't seem like the type to get so involved in a person’s life - relative or not - that he could so easily predict them. Neil felt he was learning a lot about Andrew these days. After this, he went back to dread and regret. He really didn't want to do a ‘double date’ with Nicky and his fiance when half of that double would be a lie. 

Neil sighed. “Nicky, I thought I told you it isn’t that serious.” 

Nicky threw his hands up as if surrendering, but Neil knew that was not the case. Not at all. “I know, I know. But you said you’re dating. And dating implies going out on dates, right?” Nicky smirked and somehow Neil just knew that he had thought this through before actually asking. That was probably why he’d been so quiet for most of the day. 

Neil sighed again. “Okay. I’ll talk to Andrew.” Nicky smiled before walking off into the back room. Neil sighed once more and went back to work. 

When Andrew picked up Neil after work, Neil decided to get it over with. There was no point in dwelling on it and maybe Andrew would say no, then Neil could tell Nicky to blame him. 

“Nicky wants to go on a double date.” 

Neil expected some kind of reaction, but all Andrew did was spare him a brief glance. “Yeah, alright.” 

“That doesn’t annoy you?” 

Andrew shrugged and took the next corner with one hand on the wheel. He was slouched in his seat with sunglasses perched on his nose. Sometimes Neil couldn’t believe how nonchalant Andrew seemed to be about everything. 

“I told you I would do it once. If you want to use it up right away, go for it.” 

“Alright,” Neil said. He was surprised that Andrew was so okay with it, and also a little disappointed that he was. He had been hoping to go to work the next day and tell Nicky that Andrew didn't want to. “Should I ask him if he wants to do something this weekend?” It occurred to Neil that it may have made more sense if Andrew was the one arranging plans considering it was his cousin, but Andrew wasn’t that type of person. 

“Yeah, whatever.” 

Neither of them spoke for a while and Neil expected that to be all either of them would say until they went off to their own apartments, at which point it would just be a ‘bye’ from Neil and whatever low-energy response Andrew gave. But instead, right before they reached their building, Andrew spoke.

“So how long do you plan on keeping this charade up?” He asked. 

Neil didn't say anything right away. The truth was he hadn't really thought about that. He’d been too concerned with Andrew telling Nicky the truth that he hadn't thought about what would happen after he agreed. He still hadn't. 

“Not long,” He said. “I guess I figured we would do this for a couple of days and then I could tell him we decided to end it. I told Nicky we weren’t very serious so it probably wouldn’t last.”

“You probably broke his heart by telling him that.” 

“Probably,” Neil agreed. “So let’s do this double date and then on Monday I can tell him we broke up. How about that?” 

Andrew nodded. “Sure.” 

They walked up the stairs in silence and broke off to their respective apartments. Neil just about stepped inside, but stopped and turned. 

“Hey, Andrew?” Andrew turned back as well. “Thanks again.” 

Neil didn't expect a response, but Andrew narrowed his eyes. “The next time you say that I am going to go straight to Nicky and tell him this is all a lie and leave you with the wreckage of his distrust.” Neil looked at him and smiled

“Alright.” 

Andrew nearly smiled, too, but went inside before he could. Neil rolled his eyes, still smiling, and did the same. 

\---

Neil waited until the afternoon to tell Nicky Andrew agreed to dinner. He knew there was a good chance Nicky would spend a long time arranging plans and trying to discuss ideas with Neil. All Neil wanted to do was a simple dinner, and even that he wasn’t too keen on. He let himself have the morning to prepare and then spoke to Nicky. 

“Andrew and I are free for dinner this weekend,” He said. Nicky immediately perked up. “If you still want to do something.” 

“Definitely! We can get dinner and drinks after work on Friday. Does Friday work for you or would you rather Saturday?” 

“Either is fine.” Neil said. Although he was no longer paying attention, and it wasn’t just because of the subject. He was thinking about how weird it felt to say ‘Andrew and I’ like they were a package deal. Just to say their names together like that felt like the biggest lie he’d told since this all started. 

“Okay, let’s just do Friday.” Nicky continued making plans, to which Neil just nodded along. He wasn’t going as extravagant as Neil might have expected, but it still seemed exhausting to go through all of this work just for a double date. Neil let him have his fun, though. He knew he would be putting it to an end pretty soon. 

\---

Andrew drove Neil to work every single day that week. Picking him up for lunch, then going their separate ways before joining each other once again, and then going back to their own places. Every single day, Nicky noticed and gave Neil a look that he pointedly ignored. 

On Thursday, Matt came by once again with Dan. Neil hadn't seen Dan since before everything with Andrew began, but he knew that she would already know everything that Matt knew. Neil was okay with that and not just because he trusted her just as much as he trusted Matt, but because he really didn't feel like explaining the whole situation over again. Of course, being who she was, Dan had things to say about it. Neil had been anticipating this. 

“You know this can’t end well, Neil.” She said. It had not been the first thing she’d said, but there had certainly not been a lot of preamble. Neil had expected that, too. 

“It’s not going on for much longer. We’re getting dinner with Nicky and his fiance tomorrow and then on Monday I’ll him we broke up. It’ll be fine.” 

The look she gave him was a wary one and even though Neil was sure it would be fine, he also didn't blame her. 

“I just don’t get...why Andrew?” She asked. 

“He was the first one he thought of.” Matt answered for Neil. 

Dan looked at Matt for a moment, trying to sort through what she was feeling, Neil guessed. She shrugged. “I didn't know you were that close.” 

“I wouldn’t say we’re close,” Neil said. “But I see him nearly every day and my social circle isn’t very big.” He realized he sounded much like he did when he’d been explaining the situation to Matt. Dan had probably already heard all of these answers when Matt had relayed the conversation to her, but Neil didn't know what else to say in his defense. He didn't have much of a defense. He knew it had been a stupid mistake, but he’d made it and he was going to go through with it. For a little while longer, anyways.

“Not close,” Dan repeated. “But close enough to pretend he’s your boyfriend.” Neil nodded slowly. He understood Dan’s suspicion. It was an unfortunate situation he was in. “Well I hope it goes well for you, Neil.” She clearly wasn’t convinced this was a good idea and that was okay, because Neil wasn’t either. He was only glad she wasn’t going to lecture him that much, which was what he’d been expecting. 

The three of them hung out for a while, until it got late and Matt and Dan decided they should go home. This left Neil by himself and it was weird, he thought, how he was suddenly wondering what Andrew was up to. Before this had all started, Neil didn't spend a lot of time thinking about Andrew. It was only when they ran into each other in the hall that Andrew really crossed his mind, and now Neil was very aware that Andrew was just across the hall. Only two doors between them. And Neil was wondering what Andrew was doing. 

It was even stranger the next day when, after work, Andrew joined Neil in his apartment instead of going to his own. This had been planned; Neil had invited him over to prepare for the dinner they had to leave for in 15 minutes. It just felt odd to Neil to have Andrew walk into his place as though they did this all the time. They didn't. 

“We don’t really need a cover story,” Andrew said, shutting the door behind him. Neil turned to look at him and again felt a strange jolt at how odd this situation was. And yet seeing Andrew in his apartment...he didn't look out of place. “I don’t tell Nicky very much about my personal life.” 

“Hm,” Neil said. “I never would have guessed that.” 

Neil caught a twitch of a smirk before Andrew turned away. He knelt down, his back to Neil, and scratched King behind the ear. Neil watched Andrew, his fingers tangled in the cat’s fur. Neil heard him mumble something, but he was too far away and his voice was too low. He could only imagine. 

“I still think we should have some sort of plan. Like, how we started dating. Or whatever.” He looked away now, opening up the fridge and mindlessly looking at its contents, despite having no intentions of grabbing anything. 

“Alright,” Neil could tell Andrew had stood up and was now walking towards him. He looked and found him perched on the bar stool. “After months of your hopeless flirting, I finally gave in and agreed to go out with you. To save you from further embarrassment.”

“Andrew.” 

Andrew waved him off and headed for the door. Neil realized he was restless; moving from one place to another, unable to sit still. Neil wondered if he was nervous for the dinner they were about to have. He knew better than to ask. 

“It doesn’t matter.” Andrew said. Neil didn't push it any further and they left the apartment and took Andrew’s car to the restaurant where they were meeting Nicky and Erik. 

Neil had never met Erik before, but for as often as Nicky talked about him, it felt like he had. He had also seen pictures, of course, so he knew what to expect, but it felt strange to actually be meeting him for the first time when he already knew so much about him. 

Nicky and Erik were already there by the time Neil and Andrew arrived, and when Nicky noticed them he excitedly stood up. 

“Hey!” Nicky patted Andrew on the shoulder, knowing that was the limit to his affections. He then turned to Erik. “Erik this is Neil, Neil this is Erik.” 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Erik said, extending his hand out to Neil. “Although I have to say, I’ve heard so much about you that it kind of feels like I’ve met you already.”

Neil couldn’t help but smile at this, the vocalization of his own thoughts. “Likewise.” The four of them took their seats and began the most awkward meal Neil had ever had. Of course, the discomfort was not apparent to everyone. Only Neil, and probably Andrew, who both knew that this dinner was a lie. Nicky and Erik simply thought it was a pleasant meal - or as pleasant as a meal could be when it involved Andrew - with friends and family, and because of that Neil tried his best to actually engage. 

Erik and Neil spent a good portion of dinner talking, which clearly made Nicky ecstatic. Neil was pleased to find he enjoyed Erik’s company and did not feel as out of place as he thought he might. Andrew, while not seeming out of place, did not contribute and no one seemed surprised. Neil was even less surprised when Nicky steered the conversation into the direction of Andrew’s and Neil’s relationship.

“So,” He said. “How did this even happen? I need to know.” He gestured between Neil and Andrew, the latter of whom seemed to be paying no mind to anything going on at the table. 

At this point, Neil’s mind gave him nothing. He tried to find a realistic answer, but he couldn’t think of a thing. He wished Andrew had let him finish the conversation they’d been having back at his place because answering was clearly on him. 

But Andrew cast a sideways glance at Nicky. “Proximity is a large factor in relationships,” He said. Neil almost smiled, relieved Andrew had something with just enough context to please Nicky without being vague. But then Andrew continued speaking. “Too bad things will be awkward when it doesn’t work out.” 

Despite the fact that they were all used to comments like these coming from Andrew, there was some obvious discomfort that followed. Mostly from Erik - who was the least used to Andrew - and definite pity from Nicky. He shot a look of anger and disbelief at Andrew, and then an apologetic one in Neil’s direction. Neil didn't flinch. He almost forgot that that was a sentence he should have pretended to be insulted by. 

To ease the tension that was really only coming from Nicky and Erik, Nicky jumped into the wedding. Neil had heard lots of this at work, but it seemed every time Nicky began talking about it, he had new details and information to share. Even when it seemed like he’d told Neil everything he possibly could have. 

“Obviously we’ll be getting the flowers from work,” He said. “They aren’t quite free, but they’re a lot cheaper than it would have been to get from somewhere else. The guest list was probably the most difficult thing. Some people backing out or unsure of work. And dates, that was the hardest part. Just tell me if you’re bringing somebody! I mean, I guess -” He stopped. Mid-sentence, the words froze, his mouth formed as though he would continue any second. 

“Nicky?” Erik said. 

Nicky looked at Erik with wide eyes, and then at Andrew and Neil across the table. “I just realized something,” He said in a low and dire tone, as if whatever it was he’d just realized was going to solve some sort of world crisis. “Are you guys going...together?” 

Neil wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting from this dramatic stop and realization, but it certainly hadn't been this. He looked to Andrew who was obviously listening, but just as obviously not interested. Neil looked back at Nicky.

“Going...together?” He repeated.

“To our wedding. Are you going as each other’s dates?” This time when Neil looked at Andrew, Andrew looked back. Neil was glad that the look on Andrew’s face was his version of the same confusion Neil was feeling. 

“We’re both going already,” Neil said. “Why would we go together?” 

Nicky raised an eyebrow. “You go as each other’s dates.” 

“We hadn't talked about it.” It was the first thing Andrew had said in a while and to Neil’s shock, he sounded genuinely confused. Like he was actually thinking about this as something to discuss. 

“Alright,” Nicky picked up his drink and fell back in his chair as if he suddenly couldn’t care less. “Well no rush or anything. Just something to think about.” 

The rest of dinner was fine. Just fine; nothing more nothing less. They paid, said their goodbyes, and then Andrew drove the two of them back home. Andrew hadn't said much all evening so when he spoke again, it surprised Neil a little bit.

“I didn't know you were going to the wedding,” Andrew said. 

Neil looked at Andrew. It was dark out now, the only light coming from streetlights, and Neil was momentarily captured by how pale Andrew’s hair looked. Weirdly almost silver. He looked away. 

“I didn't know you were going, either.” Of course, this was because Neil didn't know Andrew and Nicky knew each other until a week ago. He was a little surprised that Andrew didn't know Neil was going, considering he did know he worked with Nicky. 

“I’m co-best man.” Andrew replied. 

“Co?” 

“Nicky asked both Aaron and I to do it.” 

“Aaron?” 

“My brother. Nicky didn't want to make either of us feel bad, so he just gave both of us the title.” 

“Hm. ‘Best man’ doesn’t really seem like the type of thing you would do.” 

Stopped at a red light, Andrew took a moment to look at Neil. He didn't say anything and Neil couldn’t read his expression, so he let it go. 

On Monday, Andrew said nothing as the two of them walked down the stairs together. This was not unusual in itself as Andrew was really not much of a conversationalist, but Neil could tell just from looking at him that he had something he wanted to say. This was a little more unusual. 

It wasn’t until they were already driving away that Andrew lowered the volume of the music, drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, and spoke. 

“We can’t break up until after the wedding,” He said. It was hard, Neil found, to read Andrew’s expression from behind the sunglasses. 

“What?” He asked. “Why?” 

“Partly because it will devastate him.” Andrew said. 

“It’ll still devastate him after the wedding.” 

“Yes, but you can’t give somebody news like this before their wedding if it can be avoided.” Neil didn't say anything so Andrew continued. “Also, and more importantly, whether we’re ‘together’ or not, you and I are both going to the wedding. And if we broke up before, he would spend the entire time pitying us or worrying about us being at the same wedding right after we broke up.” Andrew paused and looked at Neil. “Do you want that?” 

“No.” Neil said immediately. And then, after considering what Andrew was saying, “You really want to keep this up for another three weeks?” He asked. 

“Has it really been so bad?” Neil searched for any sign of hurt in Andrew’s voice, but all he found was genuine curiosity. 

“No. I just know you don’t like lying.” Which was true, but really he was just a little taken aback because he hadn't expected this to go on for as long as they were now planning. He’d really expected to be done by today or tomorrow. 

“Whatever,” Was all Andrew said. “Get out.” Neil looked to his left, surprised to find they’d already gotten to work. Just as he always did before he left, Neil looked to Andrew.

“So should I tell him we’re going to his wedding together?” 

“Might as well.” 

Neil reached for the door handle and stopped just shy of pushing it open. “It’s kinda weird how he’s your cousin, but I’m the one that’s always relaying messages.”

Andrew’s head lolled to the side and even with the sunglasses, Neil could feel the soft glare with which Andrew was looking at him. Neil smiled and got out of the car. 

As he usually did, Neil waited a while before telling Nicky what he and Andrew had decided. That is, their decision to go to the wedding together; not the lies surrounding said decision. It was shortly after lunch that Neil finally chose to tell Nicky the good news.

“Andrew and I have decided to go to your wedding together.” He felt silly saying it. Like this was a dramatic revelation he was sharing with Nicky, when he and Andrew were already both going to the wedding. Why did it matter if they were going together? 

But the smile that broke across Nicky’s face kinda made it worth it. Except for the pang of guilt Neil felt when he realized as soon as Nicky got back from his honeymoon, he would have to tell him that they were no longer together. 

For now, though, Neil let himself enjoy Nicky’s excitement. “That’s so great!” Nicky said. “I’m just so happy you two are together. You seem really good together.” He continued on and Neil let him. It wouldn’t be long before he had to pull the rug out from under him. 

At 5 o’clock, when Andrew picked Neil up, he took a turn instead of going straight like he always did. When it was clear they were not heading home, Neil asked him about it. 

“I have a stop to make first.” Andrew said. “Why, did you have important plans?” Obviously aware that he didn't. 

Andrew pulled up in front of an apartment building a few minutes later and when he got out, but Neil stayed in, he ducked his head back in for a second. “Are you coming?” 

Neil wordlessly trailed after him, knowing he wouldn’t get any answer - or any real answer - and continued to stay silent even as Andrew grabbed his keys and unlocked the door to the building. They took the elevator up, something their building lacked, and found themselves on the fourth floor. Andrew stopped at a door and knocked first before letting himself in. Neil hesitated but followed before Andrew could close the door on him. He knew that he would. 

Sitting at the table was some guy who looked to be around their age that nodded to Andrew as he walked in. Neil looked at him and then around the apartment. 

“Hey,” Andrew said, which surprised Neil a little bit. Andrew was not typically one for greetings that extended past the nod of a head. 

“Hey.” The guy replied. Neil didn't keep looking, but he could feel the guys eyes on him. He thought about introducing himself since Andrew obviously wasn’t going to, but he didn't. It wasn’t until someone walked out of a bedroom that Neil realized where he was. 

Of course it did take a split second of confusion as Neil watched as Andrew walked out of the bedroom despite standing right beside him only a moment ago before he realized this was Andrew’s twin brother. 

Aaron nodded at Andrew. His eyes skimmed past Neil for only a second, of which Neil picked up on a flicker of recognition in his eyes. It’s not like they’d really met. He had been at Andrew’s the day Neil’s whole problem had begun, but just like now, Andrew had not introduced them. 

“Hi,” Aaron said. It seemed like a general greeting to both him and Andrew. The three of them stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do. Clearly Aaron and this other guy were waiting for Andrew to introduce Neil to them and Neil was waiting for the same thing, but Andrew said nothing. 

“Who’s this?” The one guy Neil did not know the name of asked. 

Andrew looked at Neil as if he’d forgotten he was even standing there. Neil thought he saw a hint of amusement before he gestured to Neil. 

“This,” He said. “Is my boyfriend.” 

Neil couldn’t tell who was more shocked: him or Aaron and the other guy. Either way, no one knew how to respond, least of all Neil who was certain Andrew had said no one else was to believe they were dating. Did Aaron not count because he might tell Nicky? 

“Boyfriend…?” The guy repeated. He looked from Andrew, to Neil, and landed on Aaron who was eyeing up Neil. He didn't look angry, but he was looking at Neil with a perplexed expression as if he were trying to figure him out. Neil looked to Andrew, not enjoying the scrutiny, and in hopes that he would clear things up or say anything, really. 

Andrew moved away from Neil and walked into the kitchen. He opened up the fridge and pulled a couple of drinks out. Everyone else stayed where they were as this happened, all eyes on Andrew or Neil, and when Andrew returned, he handed Neil one of the drinks. Neil took it from him but had no intention of drinking it. 

“That’s what Nicky thinks,” Andrew finally said after a very long time. “So just go along with it.” 

Aaron and the guy - who Neil meant to find out the name of but at this point it felt a little late - exchanged a glance. “So…” Aaron said. “You two aren’t dating…?” 

“No,” Andrew said. “But Nicky thinks we are.”

“Why does he think that?” The guy asked.

Neil decided to take this moment to interject. He didn't want Aaron’s and this seemingly random guy’s first impression of him to be his colossally stupid mistake. “It’s a long story,” Neil said. “I’m Neil.” 

Aaron moved forward a couple of steps, meeting Neil where he was, and offered him his hand. “Aaron. We sort of met a couple of weeks ago.” 

Neil nodded. The guy stayed sitting, but offered him his own name. “I’m Kevin.” 

“It’s nice to meet you both,” Neil said and then turned to Andrew who seemed very amused. “Now, um, what are we doing here?” 

“Nicky’s bachelor party is on Friday,” Andrew said. “We’re figuring out a couple last minute details.” 

Andrew and Aaron sat down at the table with Kevin, and Neil joined them. “Do you know Nicky?” Kevin asked.

Neil couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, I actually work with him. It was only a couple weeks ago that I found out Andrew and Nicky are related.” Neil decided this was a harmless and not embarrassing detail to share.

“Are you going to the party on Friday?” Aaron asked. 

“He invited me, but I told him I wasn’t sure, considering he’s the only one I knew. At the time, anyways.” 

“You should come,” Kevin said. “It’s just the three of us, plus Nicky. We could use an extra.” 

Neil looked at Andrew who simply shrugged. “I’ll think about it,” 

“Cool. Andrew can fill you in on the details if you decide to come.”

They weren’t even there for an hour before both Andrew and Neil, and Kevin all took off. There wasn’t much left to talk about, only who was going to be in charge of what on the day. 

It wasn’t until Andrew and Neil were saying goodbye that Neil realized he had no idea what Kevin’s relation - familial or not - was. “How do you know Kevin?” Neil asked once in the car. “Is he another one of your cousins I don’t know about?” 

Andrew cast Neil a sideways glance. “He’s a friend. Of mine, Aaron’s, and Nicky’s. We met him years ago.” He said. “And please tell me now, just so I can be prepared, how often are you going to reuse that joke?” Neil smiled, and Andrew almost did, too. 

\---

Neil drove on Wednesday. It wasn’t for any reason other than the day before, Neil commented to Andrew that he was perfectly capable of driving. It didn't always have to be Andrew. Neil hadn't expected him to agree to it, especially since he said nothing when Neil brought it up, but the next morning Andrew told him they were taking his car instead. 

After work, Neil waited around for a few minutes, wondering where Andrew was before remembering he was the one who was driving. He was prepared to apologize for being late, but it didn't end up mattering because he waited around outside Andrew’s work for nearly ten minutes before deciding to text Andrew to ask him where he was. Only to realize he didn't have Andrew’s number. Which seemed ridiculous given all the time they’d been spending together.

Neil sighed, pulled his keys out of the ignition, and headed inside to figure out what was taking so long. Before he walked in, he could see Andrew leaning across the counter with a girl standing next to him. Another girl - tall, pretty, and blonde - stood behind the counter looking bored. Neil pushed open the door which made all three of them look towards him. 

“You should give me your number, Andrew.” Was the first thing Neil said upon walking in. Andrew stood up straighter which made Neil realize the girl beside him was Renee. 

The girl behind the counter smirked and raised a perfectly groomed eyebrow. “How bold!” She said. “Andrew, you didn't tell me you had an admirer.” 

Andrew glanced back at her. “Not an admirer. Just a pain in my ass.” 

She grinned at him and then eyed Neil up and down. Her eyes lit up then and a look of recognition crossed her face. “Oh, you’re Neil!” Neil wasn’t sure if he should be offended that this was how she figured it out, but it was Andrew and he’d learned not to take anything he said to heart. “I’ve heard all about the little deal you two have going on,” She continued. “I like it. It’s fun.” 

Neil wasn’t sure what to make of this girl. “Most people think it’s a stupid idea.” 

She shrugged, her curled hair lightly bouncing as she did so. Neil had to admit that he was slightly intimidated by how perfectly groomed she was. It was almost overwhelming. “Well most people are boring.” She moved from her place behind the counter and brushed a hand against Renee’s back as she did so. She approached Neil and stuck out her hand - also perfectly manicured. 

“I’m Allison. It’s nice to finally meet you.” 

“Neil.” He shook her hand and then felt stupid. Obviously she knew who he was; she’d just said she did. She simply smiled, though, and went back to stand by Renee and Andrew. Neil wasn’t sure what else to say so he looked at Andrew. “Are you ready to go?” 

“I’ll be out in a moment.” Neil took this as his cue to leave. He said goodbye to Allison and Renee - who were fairly obviously together based on the way Allison was holding onto her - and went back out to his car. 

Andrew joined him a moment later. “We have a stop to make.” 

“Alright, where?” 

“Liquor store.” 

Neil had to get Andrew to direct him to the nearest one as it was a place Neil rarely visited. He planned on sitting in the car, but Andrew informed him he was going to need to help him carry everything so the two of them entered the store together. He trailed behind Andrew, holding onto bottles that Andrew handed him, and wondered what he needed all of this alcohol for. 

“For Friday,” Andrew said once they were back in the car. “We’re spending most of the night in.” 

A night in didn't sound like a very Nicky thing, but according to Andrew it was what he wanted. Just him, his family, and his closest friends. Who, evidently, included Neil. 

“You don’t have to come if you don’t want.” Andrew said, fairly unprompted. 

“To the bachelor party?” Neil confirmed. “Do you not want me to go?” 

“I couldn’t give a shit if you go or not. I’m just telling you that if you don’t want to go, you don’t have to.” 

Neil thought about it for a second. “Alright. I’ll think about it.” 

\---

Nicky didn't work on Thursday. Of course, Neil knew this already; Nicky had informed him earlier that week that he needed it off to deal with a couple wedding things. Neil didn't mind, but it did make him realize how much he appreciated working with Nicky. For as much as he liked to chat about anything and everything, he did his job and he did it well. He also knew Neil pretty well; what annoyed him and what didn't. The girl he was working with today was not so aware. It wasn’t that Neil disliked her, it was just that he wasn’t used to her and he was not a big fan of new people. 

Around mid-afternoon, when there was a bit of a lull, the door opened. Both Neil and the girl - Jamie? Jessie? - were sitting behind the counter and looked up. Neil was a little surprised to see Andrew come barreling through the door. He noticed Jamie - he was pretty sure her name was Jamie - straighten up beside him. He didn't really blame her; seeing Andrew for the first time was a strangely intimidating experience. One not even undercut when he was holding a cat. 

“Hi,” She said as Andrew approached the counter. “Can I help you?” Andrew looked at her. 

“No,” He looked at Neil and slapped his hand down on the counter. Jamie jumped and then, assuming Neil could handle this, disappeared into the back. Neil had a feeling she was just around the corner, though, listening in. “The party is at 6 tomorrow. I’ll come by your apartment around 5:30.” He straightened up, hand still flat against the counter, and eyed what he could see of Neil up and down. “Try to wear something nice.” 

He stared at Neil for another second before walking out without saying another word. Neil looked down at the counter to find a slip of paper where Andrew’s hand had been. He picked it up and found Andrew’s number scrawled across it. A second later, Jamie came back - which confirmed Neil’s suspicions that she’d been listening - and stared at the door that Andrew had just walked out of. 

“Who was that?” She asked, somewhat in awe. 

Neil only paid her a slice of attention as they both watched the door. Although he was paying more attention to Andrew’s car driving away and disappearing from sight. “My boyfriend.”

If Neil had caught himself only half a second earlier, he would have said something different. He would have said, ‘that’s my friend,’ or ‘that’s my neighbor’. He would not have called Andrew his boyfriend like he had. His voice faltered even as he was saying it, unsure of where that had come from and why that’s what he had said. 

Maybe, he thought, he had gotten so used to lying about Andrew in this store - being that this is where he saw Nicky the most - that it had just been a reflex. He had not been expecting the question and therefore answered with what he normally did. Yes, that’s all it was. 

Although he was also aware that he had just broken one of Andrew’s rules. Not like this random girl who didn't know Andrew and hardly ever saw Neil mattered too much, but still. He felt an iota of guilt. He did think it may have been better that that’s how he answered, given she worked with Nicky occasionally and Neil didn't trust some random person to lie for him. But still, the fact that his gut reaction was to refer to Andrew as his boyfriend stayed with him. 

And it stayed with him until Friday when Andrew came by his place as well. At 5:30, just as Andrew had said, he arrived at Neil’s looking nicer than Neil was used to. It wasn’t exactly fancy attire, but certainly fancier. 

As soon as Andrew stepped inside, he picked up King who had wandered to the door at the sign of company. He held the cat in his arms, stroking his back, and eyed Neil. 

“You didn't come over this early to discuss proper dating etiquette again, did you?” Neil asked.

“No. I came over to make sure you were ready on time. And that I approve of what you wear.” 

“It’s a bachelor party, not the actual wedding.” 

“Yes, and I fear what you might wear that day as well.” 

Neil ignored that. “I’m just going to change and then I’ll be ready.” He headed inside his room and shut the door, leaving Andrew alone in the living room. He’d already planned what he was going to wear, so it was just a matter of pulling it out of his closet and throwing it on. 

He was in the middle of buttoning up his shirt when he heard a voice coming from the living room. He stopped for a second and wandered towards the door, wondering if someone had dropped by unexpectedly or if Andrew was talking on the phone. He was about to open the door to check when he caught what Andrew said next. 

“You’re getting hair all over my shirt,” Andrew said. “I suppose that’s what I get for picking you up.” There was a bit of a pause, in which Neil realized Andrew was speaking to King. “You’re much quieter than my cat; he never stops talking.”

Neil took a few steps away from the door and smiled. He could still hear Andrew speaking, but he was far enough away that his voice was muffled. Neil was amused by the way Andrew was talking. It was common for people, when they spoke to animals, to talk in a patronizing tone, but Andrew talked to the cat as if he were a person and they were having a two-sided conversation. It was both in and out of character for Andrew and Neil found it slightly endearing.

A moment later, Neil stepped out of the bedroom. Andrew was no longer holding King and was standing in the middle of the room looking bored. But not, Neil thought, out of place. Neil stared at Andrew for just a moment before heading into the bathroom. When he came back out, he handed Andrew a lint roller.

“Thanks,” Andrew said. “You should tell your cat not to shed so much.” 

Neil watched as he ran the roller over his black button-up shirt. “I don’t think that would do anything to stop it.” 

Andrew looked over himself, seeing if he missed anything, and then up at Neil. He handed him the roller. There was a second where they both just stared at each other. Neil wasn’t sure what he was looking at, but Andrew was clearly making sure he approved of the outfit he’d chosen. He nodded. 

“Alright, let’s go.” 

Andrew drove the two of them to the restaurant where their night was starting and they were led to their reserved table by a waitress. They were the first ones there, only shortly before Kevin, and Aaron and Nicky a few minutes after him. 

Neil had to admit that he felt a little uncomfortable. He had only met Kevin and Aaron - officially - earlier that week, and the four of them clearly knew each other very well. He wondered what he was doing there when his relationship to the groom was more of a professional one, rather than a personal one. Yes, they spent a little time together outside of work, but Neil wasn’t sure that was enough to get an invite to a bachelor party. 

Thankfully, Nicky’s high-spirited nature - plus the fact that this was a party to celebrate his nearing wedding - helped Neil feel a little less out of place. Much like dinner with Nicky, Erik, and Andrew a week before, Nicky was the glue that held this party together, and his ability to always find something to talk about was helpful right about now. 

Eventually, after a spirited debate between Nicky and Andrew, the conversation turned to Aaron who was talking about some girl named Katelyn. Neil initially assumed that must be his girlfriend, but after catching sight of the ring on his left hand, landed on wife. 

Once they finished with dinner, they all drove back to Aaron’s place where the rest of the party was being held. Neil had initially been surprised that this was where the majority of their evening was being held, but he found he was quite happy that this was the case. 

They broke out the case of beer Neil and Andrew had picked up earlier that week and everyone - Kevin omitted, Neil noticed - grabbed one. Aaron found a deck of cards and they played a few rounds of a few games - which Kevin was really good at - and then Aaron and Andrew broke off to play video games - which they were very competitive at. It didn't take long at all for Neil to feel comfortable; like these were people he had known for years and not just a short time. He almost forgot he was supposed to be pretending Andrew was his boyfriend until - inevitably - Nicky brought it up. 

Aaron and Andrew were both sitting on the couch, eyes glued to the TV, and Kevin had sat down on an adjacent chair watching, leaving just Nicky and Neil sitting at the table. For the first time since this all started, Neil hadn't even been thinking of the situation. 

“So,” Nicky said. “How are things going with you two?” His tone was not above normal - certainly not enough to draw in a room - but the question being asked was. Neil was suddenly very aware that everyone was now looking at the two of them. 

“Um…” Neil said, trying not to let the attention of everybody in the room distract him from the lie he was trying to sell. “Fine?” Which came out sounding like a question.

“‘Fine’?” Nicky repeated. “That’s it?” 

Before Neil could stutter out a lame response that he hoped would be believable given how little he and Andrew shared about their personal lives, Andrew decided to chime in. Which no one had been expecting. 

“Better than you could possibly imagine.” Neil was thankful that the attention was now all on Andrew who was still solely focused on the TV, but he loathed the fact that the topic was still on their fake relationship. Even if Andrew’s response had been delivered in the most bored and monotonous tone, and even if only one person in the room believed it to be true. 

No one said anything more on the subject. Aaron and Kevin, likely, because they knew it was a ruse, and Nicky because he was used to answers like this from Andrew. No matter what the subject was. Still, Neil could feel Nicky’s pity every single time Andrew responded to their ‘relationship’ as though it were simply a joke. Which it was. But Nicky didn't know that. 

The night came to an end shortly after that, with Aaron finally admitting defeat in whatever game he and Andrew were playing, and Nicky realizing his being the man of the hour did not mean he was going to win against Kevin anytime soon. 

It had been decided sometime earlier that it was too late and everyone was too tired to drive home, and they would all spend the night. Aaron made up the guest room - which they decided should go to Nicky - and threw together a makeshift bed for Kevin on the floor of his own room. The living room, by default, would go to Andrew and Neil. Andrew claimed the couch and Neil took the spot on the floor that Aaron also threw together. 

Everyone headed into their respective rooms, making Neil very aware of the fact that he and Andrew were alone, and were expected to sleep this close together. Neil almost dreaded the moment Aaron went into his own room, officially leaving the two of them alone. 

Aaron flicked off the lights and said goodnight, to which Andrew actually responded. This, Neil had to admit, surprised him. 

“Try to keep it down out here, alright?” Aaron said. It took Neil a second to realize Aaron was making a joke, and by the time he did Andrew was already flipping him off. Aaron grinned and entered his room. He shut the door, thus separating Andrew and Neil from everybody else. 

Neither of them said anything. Neil laid on his back, staring up at the darkness in an attempt to avoid looking at Andrew. He couldn’t say why this felt as weird as it did, but he just never imagined his lie would wind up with the two of them here. Sleeping not quite side by side but pretty damn close; close enough that all he could hear was the sound of Andrew’s breathing. 

About twenty minutes later - or maybe it was five or maybe an hour. Neil couldn’t tell - Neil couldn’t bare the silence anymore. He was certain Andrew was awake and had just opted for silence like he usually did, but when Neil finally rolled over to look up at him on the couch, he found he was asleep. 

Neil couldn’t help but stare. Andrew was still harsh even in his sleep, with furrowed brows and his muscles somehow still tense, but it was largely undercut with closed eyes. It wasn’t until now that Neil realized it was his eyes that held so much of the anger or brashness that made people uncomfortable around Andrew. Of course it was also the black clothing, emotionless tone, and intimidating posture, but there was something in his eyes that held all the haste of whatever it was he’d been through. 

And now, eyes shut, all Neil could see was someone who had been tired for a very long time. With his hair drooping over his forehead, almost translucent from the moonlight coming through the kitchen window, and curled up on the couch, Neil suddenly felt sad. For Andrew and for himself, and he didn't know why. 

Neil watched Andrew for another moment and then closed his eyes. He was surprised at how easily sleep came.


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops sorry meant to post this ages ago but..i didn't :) this one is super long, if that makes up for it

When Neil woke up, it was to the sound of a door being slammed shut, followed by a muttered ‘oops’. With the heaviness of sleep, Neil was unsure of where he was. He opened his eyes and tried to put the pieces together based on his surroundings, but it wasn’t until he heard Andrew say, “There’s no whipped cream on this.” That Neil remembered. 

He sat up from his makeshift bed and looked behind him, in the direction of the noise, and found Andrew, Aaron, and Kevin all standing around the counter. Andrew was holding a to-go cup of coffee - which explained his complaint - and a tray with four other cups was on the counter. Aaron and Kevin both reached for one, inspecting the contents to find the ones that belonged to them, and then pushed the tray away. 

Neil stood up and the noise drew everyone’s attention in his direction. He felt a bit vulnerable, having two mostly strangers and Andrew see him in this state, but he pushed the thought away in favor of the coffee on the counter. When he approached, Andrew took one of the remaining cups from the tray and slid it across the counter to Neil. 

“No milk, no sugar, no flavor,” He said. “Drink up.” 

Neil accepted the coffee. “Thank you.” 

“Don’t thank me. Thank these two.” Andrew pointed his thumb at Kevin and Aaron who, Neil now realized, were dressed while Andrew was still wearing what he went to sleep in. 

The four of them stood around in silence, drinking their coffee, for a few minutes before Nicky stumbled out of the spare room and took the last coffee. They all hung around until everybody’s coffee was gone, and then took off, leaving Aaron by himself until Katelyn came home later that day. 

The four of them exchanged goodbyes once out of the building, with only Andrew and Neil left together. Of course. It was weird, Neil thought, how often they were alone these days, despite only needing to keep up the lie around Nicky. It got him thinking, and when they were almost home, Neil spoke for the first time since they got in the car. 

“You know,” He said. “I was thinking-”

“Oh, that’s not a good sign.” Andrew said. 

Neil ignored this. “The whole reason you started driving me to work everyday is to convince Nicky we’re dating. I’m pretty sure he’s convinced by now.” 

“And?”

“And...Do you really need to keep driving me?”

Andrew stayed quiet for a while. Neil thought he wasn’t going to reply. “Wouldn’t it look suspicious if I stopped driving you now?” 

“I guess so.” 

Neither of them said anything after that and Neil assumed that nothing was going to happen. But on Monday - the first time Neil saw Andrew since they got home from Aaron’s - Andrew was waiting for Neil out in the hall. 

“What’s the point of giving you my number if you aren’t going to use it?” Andrew asked, as soon as Neil walked into the hallway. 

Neil blinked, trying to figure out what Andrew was talking about before remembering the incident. He’d meant to put Andrew’s number in his phone, but it had slipped his mind when he’d referred to Andrew as his boyfriend to his coworker. He wasn’t even sure what he’d done with the paper that had the number on it afterwards. “I guess I forgot.”

Andrew narrowed his eyes at Neil and then shook his head. “Whatever. I wanted to tell you that I can’t drive you to work this week. I have too much to do and my shifts are different than usual.” 

“Okay, that’s fine.” Neil said. Although he had to admit he found it a little suspicious that Andrew was saying this right after Neil had said Andrew no longer needed to drive him. He knew he was probably reading into it, but it was hard to not. 

They still descended the stairs together, and while they did, Andrew took Neil’s phone and put in his number. Neil had to remember to walk to his car instead of Andrew’s, and doing so made him feel like he was going in the wrong direction. He felt out of place in his car. 

It felt like that every day that week. Foreign, taking his own car to work and not driving with Andrew. And not seeing Andrew at all, most days. He was certain this was the longest they’d gone without seeing each other since they had met and Neil wasn’t sure what to make of that. It was weird, he thought, that he actually came to miss him. 

The following week - the week leading up to the wedding - heavily made up for the lack of time they spent together before. Now, Neil was never not with Andrew unless they were working. Which Neil had to do for the full week, Andrew only half of the week, and Nicky not at all. But every day, as soon as Neil got off work, Andrew was there to pick him up, and nearly every day they had errands to run. And every single day Neil asked the same question: “Why am I here? I’m not even a part of the wedding party.” 

And every day Andrew answered the same way: “You wouldn’t have to be here if you hadn't convinced Nicky we were dating. Now stop complaining.” 

While Neil understood that logic, he also wasn’t sure why that meant Andrew had to drag him along to all of these errands. It’s not like Nicky was with them for the majority of the time. Why couldn’t he have driven himself like he had last week? 

But Neil went with every time without complaining. With questions, yes, but not complaining. They picked up wine for the reception, they picked up the ring, they went to Aaron’s to help put together goodie bags for the guests. 

On Tuesday, Neil and Aaron went over to Andrew’s to figure out how to get out of town guests from the airport to their hotels. Nicky and Erik insisted they shouldn’t take cabs, which left the wedding party - and Neil - figuring out accommodations. 

Neil watched, somewhat on the sidelines, as Aaron and Andrew worked together. They sat side by side on the floor in front of the couch with a copy of the guest list being passed back and forth between them. Every once in a while, one of them would scribble something down on the list and then offer some kind of suggestion on how to make things easier. It was strange, Neil thought, watching them together like that. With their brows furrowed and glasses on - Neil wasn’t even aware Andrew had glasses until now - they were nearly interchangeable. He supposed that to most people that was always the case, but Neil had noticed the differences immediately. Now those differences didn't seem so different. 

It was also a little odd to see Andrew in this setting. So focused and dedicated on something that seemed completely out of his area of interest. All for his cousin, whom Neil had never heard him talk about until recently. Neil had never thought of Andrew as a part of a family before, for whatever reason, but looking at him right now, it was clear how important both his brother and his cousin were to him. And it made him curious about things he’d never considered until recently. 

Aaron left shortly after that and Neil was about to leave, too, when Andrew told him to stay. 

“I was going to order a pizza,” He said. “If you want to stick around.” 

Neil nodded and took a seat on the couch. After Andrew put the order in, Neil decided to inquire. 

“Andrew?” Neil asked. Andrew looked up at him which was the one indicator that he was going to pay attention. “What’s the deal with yours and Aaron’s parents?” He had never heard them talk about them before. They’d never been brought up. Neil had asked Nicky the same thing at work the week before, but he had gone weirdly quiet and tense, then told Neil to just ask Andrew about it. 

Andrew went quiet and tense in the same way Nicky had. Neil saw him transition from the person he had come to know Andrew as, to the person most people saw him as; cold, shrouded, and angry. But Neil waited for his answer because it was clear he was going to get one. 

“We don’t know anything about our dad,” Andrew said. “No name, no story. Nothing. Our mom kept us for about three years before she decided she didn't want us anymore. She gave us both up. Aaron says he doesn’t remember anything about her. I don’t know if that’s true or not. She was cruel and neglectful, and I know I couldn’t forget that.” 

Andrew joined Neil on the couch, but he didn't look at him. “We managed to stay together for a long time. Every once in a while, one of us would be sent to a different foster home and we wouldn’t see each other for a while, but we always ended up reunited eventually. Then, when we were 10, I was sent to live with the Spears.” Just from the way he said the name, Neil could tell this story had an unfortunate ending. 

“I think we both assumed it wouldn’t last since nothing else ever had,” Andrew continued. “But I ended up staying there for 3 years. I didn't see Aaron at all during that time. Didn't even hear from him. But at one point, Cass - my foster mother - started talking about adoption. In fact, she was just getting the process started when her ‘real’ son, _Drake_, died.” Again, even without detail, Neil could tell there was something malicious about this Drake person. “Tragic, really.” Andrew said, even though he clearly did not think it was. “A freak car accident. No one knows how it happened, but they think he was intoxicated. He died instantly. I, on the other hand, somehow managed to get away with a couple broken ribs and a bruised collarbone.”

“You were with him?!” Neil said. He didn't mean to interrupt, but this detail was hard to look over. Andrew did not reply to this, but the way he smirked made Neil’s stomach turn. Not out of fear of Andrew, but fear of what Drake could have done that made Andrew do what he was implying. 

“The adoption fell through after that,” Andrew said. “Cass couldn’t bear the fact that her son - her perfect son - was dead, and she couldn’t even look at me because I was a reminder of what she’d lost. So after they released me from the hospital, I was right back where I started. Only this time, I no longer had a brother to go back to. 

“They made me start seeing a therapist because they were worried the accident had fucked me up. Of course, they were a little late on that, but props to them for trying. So I saw this therapist for about a year before I was sent to another foster home. That’s when they decided I was no longer their problem and they didn't want to waste their government funds on some fucked up kid who was not making the progress they wanted to see. So I stopped seeing my therapist. And that’s when I met Renee.”

“Renee was in the foster home with you?” Neil confirmed. 

“Yup. You should ask her for her story sometime. Anyways, my foster parents sent me to a new therapist; Bee.” Neil recognized that name - sure Andrew had mentioned it before - but he wasn’t sure in what context. “Renee didn't stay in the home for very long. She got adopted. But we kept in touch and I kept seeing Bee. 

“It was just past a year when, during one of my sessions with Bee, she sat me down and told me she had something important she wanted to talk to me about. She told me she wanted to adopt me and I laughed in her face. I didn't believe her; why should I? She spent the rest of the session convincing me she was serious, and the next few weeks explaining to me why it was a good idea. She never forced me into it; just rationally explained her side of it. And maybe that’s why I finally agreed. Because it was never her telling me I had to, only that it was an option. So I said yes and she took me to my new home and showed me around. 

“When things were finally processed, she asked me if I wanted to take her last name - Dobson - and I immediately said no. I think she may have been a little hurt at first, but she didn't push, she just asked, ‘Do you have an attachment to your last name?’ And I told her it was the last connection I had to my brother. She, of course, didn't know I had a brother, but as soon as I told her about him she started looking. It took her a while, but she eventually found him through the only family we had: Luther and Maria Hemmick.” 

“Nicky’s parents?” Neil asked and Andrew nodded. 

“Turns out, right before Cass got rid of me, Aaron got out. He ended up at a new house, fell in with a bad crowd, and fell into some bad habits. Nicky, who was suicidal, alone, and in desperate need of some support due to concealing his sexuality from his asshole, christian parents, remembered he had cousins. He did his own research and found Aaron. He tried to convince his parents to take him in, but of course they didn't want a drug addict in their house, so they ignored the problem. Nicky kept in touch with Aaron since they were both falling apart and both needed somebody.

“So Bee got in touch with Nicky’s parents who had just kicked Nicky out. As despicable as they were, though, they still gave Bee a way of contacting their disgraced son. So she did and through him, got in touch with Aaron, and reunited us for the first time in 5 years. She adopted him as soon as she could, and I know she would have adopted Nicky, too, if he wasn’t already 18 and still grieving his own parental loss. She did take him in, though, and helped all three of us get back on our feet. 

“When Aaron finished rehab, the three of us went to college nearby. Nicky met Erik, Aaron met Katelyn, we all graduated, and I took over the business I’d been working at all throughout college. I don’t know what happened to our birth mom, but she can rot in hell for all I care.” 

Neil stayed silent for a moment. That last sentence felt like an odd conclusion and he’d expected Andrew to say more, but he didn't. So they both just sat there. Andrew letting Neil process, and Neil processing. It was a lot. Way more than Neil had expected Andrew to say. He was, at this point, used to Andrew’s one word answers or very short responses. Not a whole life story, and certainly not one so tragic. 

The pizza got there in the middle of their silence and Andrew went to the door to get it, but neither of them felt much like eating anymore. They managed to eat a slice each, Andrew turning the TV on simply to cover up the silence, and then Neil decided to take off. 

Andrew followed him to the door. “You owe me your story one day, Josten. I know it’s an interesting one.” He pressed two fingers to Neil’s cheek and lightly pushed against the marred skin. 

Neil was used to people questioning his scars, but Andrew never had. He’d gotten used to most people looking and wondering, that Andrew’s apparent lack of interest had been a refreshing change of pace. And yet his new curiosity didn't even bother Neil that much. He thought the idea of sharing his past with Andrew didn't seem like such a horrible thing to do. 

He nodded and Andrew’s fingers fell away from his skin. “One day,” Neil agreed. 

\---

Neil wondered if it might be weird the next day. He was not used to people opening up to him the way Andrew had, and he was especially not used to Andrew opening up. He wasn’t entirely sure what to expect when they met each other in the hall, but he got the same greeting he always did. 

Andrew pushed himself off of the wall he was propped up against when Neil stepped out of his apartment. “You take too long to get ready.” 

“How long have you been waiting?” 

“Doesn’t matter. Longer than you.” 

They walked down the stairs together and got into Andrew’s car. Right before he dropped Neil off, Andrew spoke.

“Oh, we have a stop to make after work.” 

“We’ve had a stop to make every day this week.” 

“Yes, but you have to go to this one.” 

“Why, what are we doing?” 

“You’ll see,” Andrew said. “Now get out.” 

The secret stop ended up being a final suit fitting with Nicky and all of his groomsmen and Neil had no idea why that was something he had to be there for. 

“Mine has been ready for a while now,” Nicky said. “This is mostly just for you guys to make sure there are absolutely no more alterations that need to be done.” 

“Right,” Neil said, sitting on a couch with everybody except Aaron, who was getting changed back into his normal clothes. “But I don’t understand why I’m here. I’m not apart of the wedding party.” He heard Andrew scoff and he didn't need to look at him to know he was rolling his eyes. He wondered how many times Andrew had heard him say that in the last week. 

“Because,” Nicky stood up and made a gesture at the tailor. He disappeared around the corner. “The date of the best man should look his absolute best. Katelyn has a gorgeous outfit - I made sure of it - so you should, too.” 

Neil suddenly wished he hadn't gone with Andrew, even though he hadn't been given a choice. “You didn't...have a suit tailored specifically for me, did you?” Of course, he was pretty sure that they hadn't. They didn't have his measurements and this was the first time he’d gone along on this kind of errand. But he couldn’t help but ask. 

“No, of course not.” Nicky said. “We’re just going to find you something that fits and looks good on you. It was Andrew’s idea.” 

Now Neil did look at Andrew, but Andrew was not looking back. It was not something he expected from him. He knew Andrew wanted to make sure he looked good, but he didn't think he would go as far as doing something like this for Neil. 

The tailor came back with a few articles of clothing, including two different button-ups, a pair of slacks, and a jacket. “If these don’t fit you,” He said to Neil. “Just let me know and we’ll find something that does.” 

Andrew, who was sitting beside Neil, nudged him. Neil hesitantly stood up, accepted the clothes, and was led to the dressing room that Aaron had walked out of a moment ago. 

Neil stood in the dressing room, unsure of what to think. It was pretty obvious that either Andrew or Nicky had spoken to the tailor ahead of time in order to find something that Neil could wear. Nicky had gestured to him to retrieve clothes intended for Neil without even saying anything. Why were they making a big deal over clothes that Neil could have picked out himself?

Of course he wouldn’t have. He'd obviously intended on wearing something nice to the wedding, but this was a little nicer than what he’d had in mind. While Neil didn't know a whole lot about fashion, he could tell the jacket that had been picked out for him was high quality and the shirt he tried on first - a soft burgundy color - felt nicer than anything he had ever owned. It was also weird, he thought as he slid on the jacket, how everything fit perfectly. Maybe coincidental, maybe not. 

Neil stood there for another moment, just looking at his reflection, before deciding he’d taken long enough and stepped out of the dressing room. Everyone watched him when he re-entered the room. Nicky grinned, and Kevin nodded his head.  
“You look great!” Nicky said, and then his eyes immediately went to Andrew, whose expression had not changed. 

“So it’s good, then?” Neil asked.

Nicky started to say something, but before he could, Andrew stood up. “Hold on,” He said. He approached Neil, who had no idea what to expect, and grabbed the lapels of his jacket. He straightened it out, then adjusted the collar of the shirt. He smoothed it over once and then observed what he had done. He looked up at Neil. “It was uneven.” 

No one said anything as Andrew sat back down, but Neil didn't miss the way both Kevin and Aaron watched Andrew as he did so. Nicky, on the other hand, was smiling at this blatant display.

Neil changed back into his own clothes and rejoined everyone on the couch. Andrew was the next one to try on his suit, which gave Neil some time to dwell on everything that was happening. He couldn’t come up with any sort of reasonable answer, though, and was left with the simple thought: if Nicky had doubted their relationship status before, there was no way he would now. 

\---

Their errand on Thursday, and Andrew assured Neil it would be the last, was at Aaron’s, putting together the goodie bags. They were about halfway through when Andrew got a frantic call from Nicky. He stepped out of the room to deal with it, leaving Neil alone with Kevin and Aaron. Neil did not find this as uncomfortable as he might have a week or so ago. In fact, he was even starting to consider the two of them his friends. Although that may have just been because of their constant proximity, and as Andrew had said to Nicky on their first ‘date’, proximity was a big factor in forming relationships. 

Neil continued working even when Andrew stepped out, but he stopped when he realized both Aaron and Kevin had, and were looking at him. 

“...What?” Neil slowly asked. 

Kevin and Aaron exchanged a nervous look before landing back on Neil. For a second, Neil forgot that they both knew the truth of his and Andrew’s situation and was afraid they were going to give him some kind of lecture on dating their brother/friend. 

“You know, Neil,” Aaron said. “Andrew has never really been one for dating.” 

Neil no longer felt anxious, but he considered Aaron’s statement. “I guess that doesn’t surprise me. I’ve never really seen anyone coming or going from his apartment, but I’d never really thought about it.” 

There was a long pause before Aaron continued. “I just mean he’s new to this whole...dating thing.” 

That’s when Neil clued in. “Is this about what happened yesterday? Because that was just to fool Nicky.”

“Well he’s definitely fooled.” Kevin said. 

“Good,” Neil said, but he didn't sound so sure anymore. “Because that was the plan.”

“Right,” Kevin said, nodding. “The plan.” 

“Yeah. Just don’t take it too far, alright?” Aaron said. “I don’t want anyone getting hurt.”

And even though it made the most sense, Neil had a feeling Aaron wasn’t referring to Nicky. 

\---

Neil went straight to Andrew’s after work on Friday. Andrew had not been working all day and had texted Neil sometime in the morning to ‘please show up on time’ and that he would be ‘terribly embarrassed if he was late because of him’. Neil insisted he would get there as soon as he could. 

Of course, when Neil arrived at Andrew’s - dressed and ready to go - Andrew was wearing a pair of sweats and a t-shirt.

“And I’m the one who’s going to make us late?” Neil inquired when Andrew answered the door. 

Andrew said nothing, but disappeared into his bedroom to get changed. Neil sat down on the couch and Sir immediately popped onto his lap. As Neil waited, he got a call from Matt. 

“I know you’re going to the rehearsal dinner right away,” Matt said. “But I just wanted to quickly call you and ask how things are going.” 

Neil glanced back at Andrew’s closed bedroom door. “Regarding which part of my confusing and phony life?” 

Matt laughed which made Neil feel considerably better. Not that he was in a bad mood in the first place. “Well, you were going to go to the wedding, anyways. Now you’re just...going with somebody.” 

“And running all these pre-wedding errands, and going to suit fittings, and going to the rehearsal dinner. None of which was part of the original plan.”

“You get a free dinner out of it, though, right? So it can’t be too bad.” 

Andrew walked out of the room just then, catching Neil’s attention. Neil looked to find Andrew wearing a simple black button up and a tie that nearly blended into the shirt. He adjusted his tie and cufflinks, and then ran a hand through his hair and sighed. Neil wondered what he was thinking. He couldn't imagine Andrew was nervous for tonight; tomorrow, maybe, considering he had to give a toast. All he had to do tonight was be there for Nicky, and yet for whatever reason, he looked nervous. He also looked pretty good. Neil had never seen him this dressed up before. 

“Who are you talking to?” Andrew asked. 

“What? Oh!” Neil had almost forgotten he’d even had his phone in his hand until Andrew asked. He returned his attention back to Matt. “Sorry, what did you say?” 

“I said,” Matt repeated. “You get a free dinner, so it can’t be that bad. Right?” 

Neil looked back at Andrew again, who was still watching him. “No. It’s not so bad.” 

They said goodbye a couple seconds later with Neil promising Matt he would talk to him on Sunday, once everything died down. Matt wished him luck and then hung up. 

Andrew and Neil left for the rehearsal dinner and walked into the hall, filled with mingling guests. 

“I already went to the actual rehearsal,” Andrew lowered his voice so only Neil could hear them, despite no one even noticing their arrival yet. “Do I have to be here?” 

Neil smiled and nearly suggested sneaking out, but Nicky came running at them with a huge grin plastered on his face. “Hey! I’m glad you guys are here. Things are about to get started, but first I want to introduce you to some people.” 

Nicky started to walk off in the direction of a group of people chatting a few feet away. Before Neil could go after them, Andrew’s hand lightly landed on his shoulder blade. It was a feather-light touch, barely even noticeable over both his shirt and jacket, but Neil still noticed. 

“I guarantee I have met all the people he’s going to introduce you to and even if I haven’t, I don’t want to. So have fun; I’ll be over here.” Neil wanted to make some sort of joke about how Andrew should be a supportive boyfriend instead of abandoning him to strangers, but he was much too focused on the ghost of Andrew’s fingers brushing against his shoulder. It clearly hadn't been accidental, but perhaps subconscious? 

Neil decided not to worry about it and caught up to Nicky who was now immersed in the conversation the group was having.

“Oh, there’s someone I want you to meet,” Nicky said when he spotted Neil. He put a hand on Neil’s shoulder - which made Neil feel nothing - and gestured to a few people. “Okay, these are Erik’s cousins and this is his brother, and -” He rattled off some names that Neil tried to remember, but knew he never would. They were all very friendly, apparently the entire Klaus family was, and Neil felt bad for not paying them as much attention as he could have. He was, however, a bit preoccupied.

Of course, the introductions did not stop there. On his way to find Andrew, Aaron stopped him to say hello and introduce him to his wife, Katelyn, who was beyond thrilled to be meeting Neil. There were more of Erik’s friends and family after that, all of whom treated Neil like he was part of the family. Neil couldn’t believe an entire group of people could be so enthusiastic. He knew better than to ask where Nicky’s family was; he’d heard that story a while ago. 

By the time Neil actually got to Andrew, the dinner was starting. Because Andrew was seated next to Nicky and Kevin was seated next to Andrew, Neil was put next to Kevin. He didn't have a problem with this, but it felt weird to not have Andrew right next to him, considering he was the main reason he was even here. 

For the majority of the meal, Neil made polite conversation with the girls next to him, Laila and her girlfriend - whose first name Neil did not catch - Alvarez. They introduced themselves as friends of Nicky’s from college, and Neil introduced himself as Andrew’s boyfriend. Again. Accidentally. He hoped Andrew hadn't overheard, because he was sure he wouldn’t be happy about it if he had. 

After toasts were made and dinner came to an end, people started taking off. Both sides of the wedding party, including Erik’s parents and Neil - who felt like he might as well be a part of the wedding party at this point - stayed behind to help clean up. Tables and chairs were put away, leftovers were stored and frozen. 

Nicky and Erik hung around for a few minutes, even after everyone else had gone. They had both offered to help, but everyone insisted they go to their respective places for the night to get some rest. Still, they had not left yet, too excited - upset? Nervous? Neil couldn’t tell - for the following day and did not want to part. They lingered in the doorway, holding onto each other like they were never going to see each other again. Neil watched this display for only a moment before feeling as though he was intruding on something very personal. 

Of course, the next place he looked happened to be in Andrew’s direction, who was in the middle of a conversation with Erik’s sister. Neil just happened to be within earshot. 

“So, how long have you been dating the boy with the red hair?” She asked. Neil obviously recognized that she was talking about him and was curious how Andrew would reply; he realized that was one thing they had never discussed when figuring out their plan. 

“About two months.” Andrew replied. 

“Is it serious?” 

“I haven’t broken up with him yet, have I?” 

She laughed it off like a joke, which either meant she did not know Andrew at all, or was just used to his comments. “He’s really cute. And you guys look good together.” 

Neil had stopped looking by then, but when the conversation didn't continue, he got curious and looked back. He found her standing a few feet away, already talking to someone new, leaving Andrew standing alone. And looking directly at Neil. When Andrew realized Neil was looking back, his expression shifted. Only slightly, but enough for Neil to notice; only he didn't know how to interpret it. He looked away and continued cleaning up. 

Neil didn't sleep well that night. It’s not like he had anything to be nervous about, but for whatever reason, he was. At 6am, he gave up trying and went out for a run. He used to be diligent about his morning runs, but in the past few weeks, he had gotten kind of bad at remembering. It felt good to have the reminder of why he used to do this. 

By the time he got back, he still had a couple of hours before he needed to be at Andrew’s and those two hours went by terribly slow. At 8:52, eight minutes before he was supposed to, Neil decided it was close enough and headed across the hall. Andrew opened the door and let Neil walk in.

Andrew was in the middle of a very weird phone call that Neil had a hard time piecing together. Everything he said seemed very inconsistent and out of place and his tone changed every few seconds. When he hung up, he did so with a long sigh and turned to face Neil. 

“That was Aaron,” Andrew said before Neil could ask. “And also Nicky.”

“Huh?” 

Andrew wandered into his kitchen and grabbed two mugs from his cabinet as he began explaining. “It was initially Aaron calling to tell me Nicky was freaking out,” He filled both mugs with coffee, handed one to Neil, and proceeded to fill the second with sugar and cream. “And then Nicky grabbed the phone to freak out to me directly. Cutting out the middleman. From there it was a back and forth between the two of them.” 

“What was Nicky freaking out about?”

Andrew shrugged. “Not really sure. It was hard to keep up with what he was saying, but from what I understand, he was worried we were going to forget...something.” 

“‘Something,” Neil repeated, to which Andrew nodded. 

“Yeah,” Andrew said. “This will be a fun day.” 

Neil watched Andrew. After working with Nicky for as long as he had been, Neil thought he knew him pretty well. Of course, Nicky wasn’t really a hard person to know. It was pretty obvious when he was feeling happy or frustrated or annoyed, so it wouldn’t take much to know when he was overwhelmed, either. He didn't try to hide that type of thing. 

Andrew, on the other hand, was less blatant. His expression of emotions was displayed subtly, if not at all. A twitch of the cheek, a shadow of something in his eyes, his jaw tensed. It had taken a long time for Neil to pick up on these little tendencies and even longer for him to figure out what each one meant. Now that he knew, though, they were impossible to miss. He wondered how he ever had before. 

Right now, he held his mug with both hands, fingers wrapped tightly around it. Every couple of seconds, he would flex his fingers and lightly drum them against the cup. His typical lax posture was anything but, with his shoulders pushed back and spine straightened out. And, the biggest tell, the downward curve of the corner of his mouth. That was harder for Neil to pick up on because it was oh-so slight, but he noticed it and that’s what gave it away: Andrew was nervous, too. 

This wasn’t weird in itself; most people heavily involved in a wedding did get nervous. But for Andrew to be nervous was for him to really care about this day and it made Neil curious. And a little bit happy. 

“What can I do to help?” Neil asked, because he didn't want Andrew to know that he knew he was nervous. Andrew would deny that he was. But he could offer help to take a little bit off of Andrew’s shoulders. 

Andrew looked at Neil for a moment. He set down his mug and left the room, disappearing into his own, for only a second before he returned with his car keys in hand. He threw them at Neil who barely managed to catch them, not expecting to be handed them at all. 

“One of Erik’s cousin’s flight was delayed,” Andrew said. “They’ll be arriving at the airport in 30 minutes. Go pick them up.” 

Neil stared at Andrew and then at Andrew’s keys in his hand, and then he put the pieces together. Of course, they were pretty obvious pieces, but the fact that Andrew was giving Neil the keys to his car made it a little harder to catch up. Andrew didn't let anybody drive his car. 

“You know…” Neil said. “I could just take my own car.” 

“They’ll be looking for my car. Just take it and don’t crash it.” 

Andrew walked Neil out of the building, giving him the gate number, the name and general description of the cousin he was picking up, and where to drop them off. “Once you drop them off,” Andrew said once they got to the doors of the building. “Come to the reception hall. Got it?” Neil nodded and said goodbye as he walked outside. 

Finding this cousin ended up being a lot easier than Neil expected. There was - by some miracle - no traffic and he didn't have to wait around for the plane to land. They made it out of the airport with time to spare and Neil hoped this was an indicator of the day to come. 

“So,” Erik’s cousin - Sophie - said once they were on the road. “How do you know Andrew?” 

“He’s my boyfriend.” Neil said. This had been intentional. He’d thought of it on the way over, knowing he would be asked this question, and decided the boyfriend answer would be the best one to give. He still felt weird saying it, though. 

Neil dropped Sophie off at the hotel and made his way to the reception hall like Andrew had told him to. He wasn’t sure what he was doing there or who was going to be there, but he was surprised to find it empty. 

It was decorated already, which Neil had helped to do earlier that week along with Andrew, Kevin, and Aaron, but as far as he could tell, there was no one here right now. 

Neil checked his phone. It was 11, which meant he had an hour before he was supposed to go to the hotel where the wedding was happening with Andrew. He briefly wondered if Andrew had sent him here to keep him out of the way. Again, considering he was not actually part of the wedding party, he didn't understand why he was supposed to go to the hotel so long before the actual wedding started. 

“Andrew?” He called out. If he got no answer, he would call Andrew and find out what was going on. But then, from the kitchen, Andrew stepped out. 

“Hey,” Andrew said, waving him over. Neil approached him and found he was already in his suit. Neil was very aware of how nice Andrew looked right now, but tried very hard not to be. “How did everything go?” Andrew asked. 

“It went fine. Sophie is at the hotel.” Andrew nodded. “And your car is fine.” Andrew smirked and walked back into the kitchen with Neil right behind him. 

“So what are we doing here?” Neil asked. 

Andrew gestured to the boxes on the counter. “Those boxes are filled with wine. We need to put them in the fridge until the reception.” 

They got to work, emptying the boxes and stocking the fridge with what seemed like a lot of bottles for one night. They started out pretty quiet, but Neil couldn’t sit on it anymore. 

“Can I say something?” He asked. Andrew made some kind of gesture that Neil had learned meant ‘I don’t care.’ Neil considered his phrasing and then went ahead with it. “This...doesn’t seem like the type of thing you would do for anyone. Stocking the fridge, throwing a bachelor party, picking up your cousins in-law’s from the airport-” 

“You picked up the relatives.” Andrew interjected.

“Yeah, but you were going to. You were willing to do so, and that really doesn’t seem like your type of thing. I’m surprised you even agreed to be the best man.” 

Andrew didn't say anything for a while. Neil was used to this, but Andrew stayed silent for so long, that eventually he didn't expect him to say anything at all.

“Have you noticed,” Andrew finally said, taking Neil by surprise. “That 80% of the guests are Erik’s?” Neil didn't answer this; he didn't have to. He already knew where this was going. “Nicky’s guest list is very small. Coworkers, friends from college, and the friends he has around here.” Neil knew the story. He regretted asking. “Erik’s family flew all the way in from Germany. Nicky’s _family_," The bitter emphasis on the word family indicated Andrew's low opinion of Nicky's parents. "Lives five hours away and they aren’t coming. They were invited, but they aren’t coming. 

“Nicky, Aaron, and I,” Andrew continued. “That’s it. That’s the only family the three of us have, which means Aaron and I are the only family he has at his wedding. I wasn’t going to say no. Nicky is a good person who was dealt a shitty hand, and he deserves to be happy. So, if stocking the fridge, giving a stupid toast, and pretending to have a date to his wedding is going to make him happy, so be it.” 

Andrew didn't look at Neil as he spoke. Nor did he stop stocking the fridge while he spoke, unlike Neil who hadn't touched a single bottle since he realized what Andrew was going to say. Neil was pretty sure he understood Andrew more now than he ever did. 

They finished quietly, which was when Neil realized he stupidly left his outfit at Andrew’s. “There’s no time to go back,” Neil said. “It’ll make you late.” 

“Calm down,” Andrew said. “I was prepared for you to mess up and brought it with me.” He nudged the kitchen door shut to reveal Neil’s outfit hanging from the back of it. Andrew grabbed it and threw it to Neil. “Go change.” 

They arrived at the church shortly after noon and found Kevin standing outside some room in the basement by himself. “What’s going on?” Andrew asked. 

Kevin glanced behind him, likely at the room Nicky was in right now. “Nicky was in the middle of getting ready when it occurred to him that his parents won’t be here. Aaron’s been trying to calm him down, but you should probably be in there, too.” 

Andrew said nothing and knocked on the door before entering, leaving Kevin and Neil standing alone. “They might be a while,” Kevin said. He then wandered a short distance away and sat at a nearby table. Neil joined him.

“So,” Kevin said. “How long have you and Andrew been...doing this thing?” 

“What, pretending to date?” Neil asked and Kevin nodded. “I don’t know. About a month, maybe?” He thought about this after he said it. He knew he was right, but it was weird to think it had already been that long. It hadn't felt that long. 

“Right. Remind me why you’re doing this again.” 

“Because I slipped up and-”

“No,” Kevin interjected. “I mean, why keep it up for so long? Why not just put an end to it right away?” 

“I don’t know. Things seemed to keep getting in the way, I guess.” 

“‘Things’?” 

“Yeah, first Nicky insisted on a double date, and then he insisted we go to the wedding together. We didn't want to disappoint him, so we just agreed to wait.” 

It looked like Kevin wanted to say something else, but just then Neil got a text from Andrew saying they could come back to the room. They did, and found the three of them sitting around.

Nicky’s eyes were a little puffy and his face kind of red, but other than that he didn't look so bad. Neil probably wouldn’t have thought much of it since Nicky was not one to shy away from emotions, but after the conversation he had with Andrew, his heart went out to Nicky. 

Once everything settled down, Andrew and Nicky found themselves on the other side of the room, going over a few details, and Kevin left the room again to talk to his dad. This left Aaron and Neil alone for a few minutes.

“I know I’ve said this a lot in the past couple weeks,” Neil said. “But I don’t understand what I’m doing here.”

Aaron looked at Neil, glanced at Andrew and Nicky, and then back at Neil. “You’re here for Andrew.” 

“Yeah, I know that, but your wife isn’t here and you guys are actually together.” He lowered his voice at the end, despite Nicky not being within earshot.

“No, not to fool Nicky. Trust me, you’ve done that.” There was a tone in his voice that Neil couldn’t figure out. “Andrew insisted on you being around for all of these things. Nicky didn't need to be convinced since he’s just so happy that you two are ‘so happy together’.” 

Neil considered this. “Why did Andrew insist on me being around?” 

Aaron shrugged. “I don’t know. He just said he wanted you around.” 

Neil wanted to know where all this was coming from; first Kevin, and now Aaron. It was clear neither of them were saying exactly what they were thinking, either, but Neil had no idea what they were trying to get at. So for right now, he chose to let it go. 

They hung around for another hour before it was almost time for the wedding to start. Nicky had composed himself - mostly - and Neil now felt he was out of place.

“I’m going to go find a seat,” He said. It was one thing to tag along to everything he had been, but this, he decided, was where he should part ways. 

“I’ll go with you.” Andrew said. Neil wished Nicky good luck and he and Andrew made their way upstairs. They stopped in the lobby where guests were starting to file in. 

“I’ve only ever been to one wedding,” Neil said. “And I was the best man.” He was suddenly aware he had never really been a guest to a wedding before. 

“Me too. Only been to one wedding, that is.” Andrew said.

“Whose?” 

“Wymack’s.”

“Who?” 

“Kevin’s dad. He and Abby got married a few years back. Who was your one wedding?” 

“My best friend’s, Matt and Dan.” 

Andrew thought for a moment. “Oh, the tall guy and the girl who go to Sweetie’s sometimes?”

“Oh, don’t tell me you knew them before I did. Let me guess, they were old high school friends that none of you ever told me about?” 

“Dumbass, I see them going in and out of your apartment all the time.” Andrew said. 

“Oh,” Neil said. “Stalker.” 

Andrew stifled something of a laugh and it made Neil grin. 

They lingered in the foyer for a few minutes and Neil was about to ask what they were doing when Andrew waved to someone behind Neil. He turned to find a heavily tattooed man and a pretty strong l  
looking woman next to him. 

“Hey,” Andrew said, dragging Neil towards them. “This is Wymack and Abby.” Neil looked at them once more and only then did he see the similarities between him and Kevin. 

“Oh, hi.” Neil shook their hands.

“This is Neil.” Andrew said. 

“Oh, this is him, is it?” Wymack asked, looking at Neil again. “Is he less of an asshole than you?” Neil couldn’t help but laugh at the bluntness, but he also couldn’t tell whether or not he knew this arrangement was fake. 

The four of them chatted for a few minutes before Andrew spotted Renee and dragged Neil away, saying goodbye as he did so. Renee stood with her girlfriend, Allison, both in dresses that were very different from each other. 

“I told these two to keep an eye on you when I can’t,” Andrew said, in lieu of a hello, but directed at Neil. 

“In other words, you’re sitting with us.” Allison told him. 

Andrew checked his phone. “I have to go.” He said goodbye to Allison and Renee and turned to Neil. Neil expected the same farewell that the girls got, but instead, Andrew leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. He left, saying nothing, leaving Neil taken aback by what was very obviously pda, despite his rule about no pda. Neil looked to Allison and Renee, both of whom knew they were not really dating, as if he would find answers with them. Allison was grinning and Renee had her eyebrows raised, but they said nothing and instead led Neil into the hall to find their seats. 

In an obvious effort to distract Neil from what had just happened, Allison and Renee made light conversation with Neil. Despite the fact that Neil had already heard the story of how Renee and Andrew met, he let Renee tell it to him. It was a good distraction. 

“We were briefly in the system together,” She was saying. “Shortly before my mom adopted me and Bee adopted him. We kept each other sane near the end.” 

“You didn't do a very good job,” Allison said, from Renee’s other side. Renee playfully swatted Allison’s arm and she grinned before looking at Neil. “And I know him because I needed a job and Renee insisted he hire me. Since she ‘kept him sane,’” She added in the air quotes. “He felt he owed her and hired me.” 

They all continued chatting until they asked Neil about his life story, as he suspected they would. Of course, he was used to giving a condensed version at this point. 

“Oh, you know,” He said, like it was nothing. “My father was arrested and died in prison, and my mother died shortly after, so I was pretty much raised by my Uncle Stuart.” This was, of course, a very detail-less response, but it was usually enough for everybody. 

Allison and Renee both looked at him for a moment before Allison looked to Renee. “You know, babe, we should get some friends with normal upbringings.” 

It was enough to make the three of them laugh and somehow enough for Neil to forget the kiss before they entered the chapel. 

The wedding started shortly after. It was long and, as far as Neil was aware, just a typical wedding, but still he found himself smiling throughout a lot of it. It was obvious how happy Nicky and Erik were and Neil was happy - especially knowing all he did about Nicky’s past - that Nicky was finally getting what he deserved. 

Even Andrew, standing next to Nicky, looked vaguely happy. And when Nicky started crying, which was not surprising, Neil saw something in Andrew that looked like relief. Earlier that day, he would have suspected it was relief that this day was practically over, or relief that his job was pretty much done. But now Neil knew better. He knew this was Andrew being grateful, too, that his cousin finally had the happiness he’d been longing for. The happiness he deserved. 

Nicky and Erik walked back down the aisle, hand in hand, misty eyed but grinning from ear to ear, and Neil could feel nothing but happy in that moment. 

All the guests began filing out of the chapel and suddenly Neil was no longer feeling happy, but annoyed. The desire to get out of this church as quickly as he could was overwhelming, with strangers pressing in on him from every side. He lost track of Allison and Renee and found himself in the foyer with a little more room to breathe. He looked around, trying to find at least one of the girls, but turned around when there was the ghost of an intentional hand on his shoulder. 

Andrew stood there, looking very bored, but at this point Neil knew that was just for appearances. 

“Hey,” Andrew said. 

“Hi.” It was only then that the kiss came back to Neil and he suddenly did not know what to say. 

“I can’t stay,” Andrew said which filled Neil with guilty relief. “We’re all going to some park to get pictures done, but I’ll meet you at the reception.” 

For a second, Neil thought Andrew was going to lean in again, but instead he just nodded and took off before Neil could even say anything. 

Just like with before the wedding began, Renee and Allison had to come collect Neil from where Andrew had left him. 

“Hey, we still have a couple hours before the reception,” Allison said. “We’re going to go to a bar for a couple drinks. You want to come?” 

There was nothing else to do, so Neil agreed to go. Renee drove the three of them to a bar a few blocks away and they got a table. Renee, as she informed Neil on the way over, did not drink, and Neil drank only a little bit at a time, so it was mostly Allison. They made conversation and by the time Allison had a couple drinks in her, she brought up the conversation people always brought up with Neil. 

“So,” She said. “How long are you and Andrew planning on keeping this up?” Which seemed to be a popular question today. 

Thankfully, Neil felt he could be fairly blunt with these two. “It is over as soon as Nicky and Erik leave for their honeymoon.”

“Harsh!” Allison said, although she was laughing. “At a wedding together one day, and kicking him to the curb the next.”

Neil shrugged. He knew she was only joking, but he always felt he had to explain himself and the plan to people. “That was the deal. I’ll break the news to Nicky when he goes back to work. Which…” Neil said, trailing off. “Will not be a fun conversation.” 

“Poor kid,” Allison said, a little drunk and very wistful. She had her chin loosely propped in her hand, hair spilling over one side of her face, and had a far off look in her eyes. Neil wondered how much she’d already had to drink. “He’ll be on cloud 9 and you’re going to shoot him down from the sky. Right after his honeymoon.” Her gaze seemed to return to reality and she sighed, shaking her head. She grabbed her straw between two fingers and took a long, exaggerated sip. 

“Better than before the honeymoon,” Neil said. “And yes, I know he’ll be upset, but he’ll get over it. It won’t be that big of a deal.” 

Allison and Renee exchanged a look. It briefly reminded him of all those looks he’d seen Matt and Dan exchange over the years. What a very coupley thing, that was. He’d seen the same look exchanged between Erik and Nicky before. He wondered what it would be like to know someone so well, you didn't even need language to communicate.

“What?” He asked.

“I don’t think you realize how much Nicky adores you two together.” She sounded much more grounded in reality now and that concerned Neil, given what she was saying. 

“All Nicky’s wanted,” Renee said, like she was finishing Allison’s thought. “For as long as he’s been apart of Aaron’s and Andrew’s lives, is for them to be happy. Aaron is. He’s got his dream job, a beautiful wife, and he’s finally at a place in his life where his past doesn’t affect him as negatively as it used to. Yes, Andrew likes his job and he has made considerable progress since I met him, but Nicky worries about him. And he thinks you’re really good for him.” 

“Okay…” Neil said. “But he does know not everyone needs a relationship to be happy, right?” 

“Of course he does, but Nicky is a romantic. And…” Renee said. “He sees how happy you both seem to be when you’re together.” 

Neil considered this. Then he considered all the other times people had said that, or something like that. Aaron, Kevin, Nicky, and now them. There was a pattern there and Neil didn't like it. 

“We’re friends.” But even as he said it, he didn't sound very convinced. If Allison and Renee heard his hesitation, and they must have, they didn't comment on it. 

“We know, Neil, and that’s great. I’m happy you have each other, but just be careful with Nicky.” Pause. “And Andrew.” 

Neil nodded and finished his drink, and they switched to better topics. Ones that didn't make Neil feel like his head was spinning. 

Renee drove the three of them to the reception after making Allison drink a large glass of water. The hall was quite packed already and Neil knew Andrew would not yet be there so he decided to just f  
find his seat which, thankfully, was with Allison and Renee. Also at their table was Katelyn, and the friends of Nicky’s he met last night, Laila and Alvarez. The six of them all made conversation and Neil found he was enjoying himself, which he didn't think he would. Not without Andrew, anyways, but he had no issue talking to anyone at the table. 

It was another 20 minutes or so by the time it was announced that Nicky and Erik were arriving. The wedding party entered first, concluding with Nicky and Erik arm in arm. They took their seats at the head table and dinner began right after. 

Neil, throughout dinner, frequently found himself looking in Andrew’s direction without meaning to. The conversation at his own table would be about something of which he had nothing to contribute, and his gaze would shift to the head table where Andrew was poking at his food or talking to Kevin. Or, once or twice, looking back at Neil. When the latter happened, it was like a game of who would break first. Neil lost every time. 

The next time he looked up, Andrew was no longer sitting there. Despite the fact that Neil had not been intentionally looking in Andrew’s direction, it was jarring not to see him there. He looked around the room, craning his neck to see where he went, and found him somewhat on the outskirts, speaking to a woman Neil didn't recognize. 

Neil excused himself from his table and wandered over to Andrew. They had not spoken since the end of the wedding ceremony, despite the fact that they’d only been sitting a few tables away for the last 30 minutes. Now, only a few feet away, Neil wasn’t sure why he’d stood up at all. He had nothing in mind for why he was approaching, only that he’d wanted to. 

Andrew glanced up and spotted Neil approaching. He turned back to the woman and put a hand on her shoulder, then gestured to Neil. She smiled when she saw him, a smile both kind and inviting that made Neil involuntarily smile back. He was not surprised at all when Andrew said, “Bee, this is Neil.” Her face lit up at that, obviously recognizing the name meaning Andrew had spoken of him to her before. He didn't dwell on that. 

“Hi, Neil!” She said, offering him her hand. “I’ve heard so much about you.” Again, he chose not to focus on that. 

“I’ve heard a lot about you, too.” Which, as he said it, he realized this was not true. All he really knew was what Andrew had told him a few days prior and that hadn't been a whole lot. But what it had been was telling of her generous personality, and given all she had done for Andrew and his family, Neil felt he already knew her. 

After only a moment of chit-chat, Andrew said, “Once it’s announced, okay?” Bee nodded, smiling, and then squeezed Andrew’s shoulder before walking off. Both Andrew and Neil watched as she did so. 

“What was that about?” Neil asked. He looked at Andrew, his eyes still on Bee, and noticed a slight gleam in his eyes. 

“You’ll see.” Andrew looked back to Neil. “Need a drink?” 

He didn't, but he also hadn't seen much of Andrew since before the wedding started so he said sure and let Andrew lead him to the bar. Andrew ordered two drinks - making Neil’s a virgin as if he somehow just knew - and tilted his glass in Neil’s direction before knocking it back. 

“So,” Neil said. “How did picture-taking go?” 

“Fine. As good as you can expect, I guess.” 

“I’m almost surprised you didn't drag me along.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Not offended, simply curious. 

Even as he was saying it, Neil wasn’t sure he should have, but he did anyways. “Aaron told me you insisted I be around for all the errands you’ve made me go on. Fittings, rehearsals, bachelor parties…” Neil trailed off, feeling as though he’d made his point clear.

Andrew stared at him for a long time before looking away. “There was only one of each of those things, and I brought you along to make Nicky happy.” 

“Well,” Neil said. “I think it worked.” 

Andrew checked the time and sighed. “I have to go make a stupid toast. I’ll see you later.” Neil watched as he walked back up to the head table. He tapped his glass a couple times with a fork and made a short speech, which was a lot more heartfelt than Neil would expect from him. Of course, heartfelt for Andrew did not mean others would find it very warm, but Neil saw that it had nearly moved Nicky to tears and that’s what mattered. 

Aaron took over once Andrew was done and gave a speech that was only a tad longer and a bit more ardent than Andrew’s had been. A couple more toasts were made, those from Erik’s side were a lot more emotional than Nicky’s had been, but Neil knew Andrew well enough to know that his every word had been meaningful. And he knew that Nicky felt the same. 

Neil once again lost Andrew for a while as everyone finished up their dinner. He tried to see if he could spot him from his seat, but by the time he decided to go searching, the first dance began with Nicky and Erik taking center-stage. 

This, Neil had no interest in. Of course he was happy for both Nicky and Erik, but watching them sway for a full song felt purposeless. He instead focused on his drink, this time not a virgin, and found that to make the three minute swaying less dull. 

When the mother-son dance began, he wondered if it would be rude to go get another drink. Neil watched as Erik’s mother took the place of Nicky and saw as Nicky stepped to the side. And only then did Neil realize just how sad things were about to get. He watched Nicky, standing further away now, and saw that he was smiling. And it was a real smile, that much was obvious, but the sadness and longing as he watched his husband dance with his mother was just as real. 

Neil looked away and his eyes landed on Bee making her way through the tables and past the guests. He watched her approach the dance floor and come up behind Nicky. Neil saw her tap him on the shoulder. He saw Nicky turn around, the initial confusion, his face changing. It was not until he saw Nicky’s face crumple as she offered him his hand that Neil understood what was happening. He looked to Andrew who was once again sitting at the head table with Aaron sitting next to him. Aaron was saying something to Andrew, smiling, and then as if he knew Neil was looking at him, Andrew looked back. Andrew’s expression changed just slightly, with his eyebrow raised, and it was enough to make Neil smile. How someone could think Andrew didn't care about his family when he did things like this, Neil couldn’t understand. 

Nicky was not crying, but it was obvious that he nearly was. His face was red and jaw tensed like he was trying to hold back the tears, and he clung to Bee. Erik watched, from over his mother’s shoulder, and smiled. 

A couple songs later, the rest of the guests were invited to dance. Laila and Alvarez disappeared, hand in hand, as did Renee and Allison. Aaron came over and whisked Katelyn away, leaving only Neil behind. He sat alone for the entirety of that first dance, briefly contemplating going over to Andrew but not wanting anyone to get the wrong idea. Of course, he also thought Nicky might get suspicious if he didn't go over there since they were supposed to be dating. But then he spotted Nicky on the dance floor and realized he was so caught up in Erik that anything Neil did would go unnoticed by Nicky. 

When the song ended, Allison and Renee came back to the table. Renee sat down, throwing her feet up onto the chair next to her. Allison stuck her hand out to Neil. Neil looked at it. 

“Come on,” Allison said. “Don’t leave a lady waiting.” Neil caught on and hesitantly reached his hand out to hers, their fingers brushing with Neil’s uncertainty. She rolled her eyes, clasped his hand, and yanked him out of his seat. He thought he should have been surprised by how strong she was, given how dainty she appeared, but it was not at all unexpected. He allowed her to lead him to the dance floor and she allowed him to lead the dance. 

“You’re surprisingly good at this,” Allison said once they got used to each other’s rhythm. “You give off the energy of someone who would be tripping over his own feet and stepping on my toes.” 

Neil shrugged. “I was an athletic kid.” She tipped back her head and laughed, face flushed from champagne and lipstick slightly smudged. They kept dancing. 

Renee was immediately by their side when the song finished and Neil expected her to go to Allison, but instead Allison kissed her on the cheek and fled back to their table. Renee smiled at him and this time, Neil offered his own hand. 

Neil sat out for the next one, once again alone at his table. There were more guests dancing than not, but there were still enough sitting out that Neil didn't feel weird about being one of few people not dancing. He scanned the crowd for Andrew without success. He didn't think it was likely that Andrew would be dancing, but he also didn't rule out the possibility that Renee or Bee had convinced him to dance with them. 

Seemingly out of nowhere, Nicky appeared and took a seat next to Neil. His face was red, which could have been for a number of reasons, but he was smiling. They hadn't spoken since before the wedding ceremony, but not for a lack of trying. There had been several times throughout dinner that Neil had tried to approach, only to find him surrounded by other people or having a moment with Erik. It was nice, Neil thought, to have this moment right now. 

“Hey,” Neil said. “Congratulations. I’m really happy for you.” Nicky’s grin widened, if that was even possible. Every time Neil had looked at him today he had been smiling. Was his face not numb? 

“Thanks! I can’t even tell you how happy I feel right now.” He looked out into the crowd and the tone shifted. His smile was now a bit more thoughtful. And sad. Neil was pretty sure he knew what he was thinking. “I just wish my parents could be here.” As if they wanted to be, but were simply unable to make it. 

Neil did not directly respond to this. “Andrew told me what happened to him and Aaron. Everything that happened, and then how Bee adopted the both of them. And took you in after everything.” 

Nicky nodded. “Yeah, it was crazy generous of her. I was practically homeless. Don’t know what I would have done without her.” 

“She loves you,” Neil said. That much was obvious. “So do Andrew, Aaron, Kevin. Erik. And every single person in this room. Every last one of them.” It was a subtle way - Neil’s way - of telling Nicky that he also loved him, but he’d never been very good at actually saying that kind of thing. “The people in this room are the people who will love you unconditionally. That’s why they’re here today; to celebrate you and Erik. Because these are the people that will love you no matter what.” 

Nicky looked as though he was about to start crying again, but he blinked a few times and the tears went away. “Thanks, Neil.” He said. “I needed to hear that.” He leaned forward and hugged Neil, and because he’d just gotten married, he let him. And because after his honeymoon, Neil had to - according to Andrew - devastate him. 

When they let go, Nicky was back to his exuberant state. “Where’s Andrew? You guys should dance.” Neil must have given him a look, because Nicky immediately continued. “No one will even notice!”

“You’ll notice,” Neil said. “So will Aaron, Renee, Kevin, Bee, Erik. Do I really need to go on?” Nicky just scoffed. “Also, I don’t even know where he is.” Which Neil realized probably didn't make him sound like a very good boyfriend. 

“Hm,” Nicky said, scanning the room. “Crowds aren’t really Andrew’s thing. He probably stepped outside for some fresh air. Anyways,” He stood up from his chair. “Come dance when you feel like it!” Nicky headed back into the crowd, going straight for Erik who already had his hand held out for him. 

It was not long after that that the cake was cut, which was when Andrew immediately reappeared by Neil’s side holding two slices of cake. He handed one plate to Neil and sat down. 

“Hey,” Neil said. “Where have you been?” 

“I needed some air.” Confirming that Nicky had been right. 

Some more people were sitting again, but no one really at the right table. It was just Andrew and Neil at this one, with everyone else scattered about the room. Neither of them said anything, just ate their cake in silence. 

The music shifted from something lighthearted and bouncy to slow and melancholic. Andrew set his empty place down on the table and looked at Neil as more people began dancing again. 

“Do you want to dance?”

Neil nearly dropped his own empty plate into his lap. He caught it, pushing it away from the table’s edge and tried to make sure he had processed Andrew’s question correctly. But he hadn't heard wrong. Andrew had asked him to dance. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah.” Andrew said, as though it was not a weird question. 

“What about the whole ‘no affection’ rule?” 

Andrew shrugged. “We’re at a wedding and we’re supposed to be dating, right?” 

Neil said nothing. He only watched as Andrew stood up and offered him his hand. Neil looked at his hand. It was weird, he thought, how much easier it had been to take Allison’s hand - a girl he barely even knew - than it was to take Andrew’s, one of his closest friends. The realization that Andrew was one of his closest friends was also odd, but he had too many other things to think about to focus on that. 

It took a few seconds, but Neil took his hand and let Andrew pull him to his feet. He felt unsteady. He felt out of place; more than he already had. He felt surprised by the fact that Andrew pulling him to his feet had been a lot less aggressive than when Allison had done the same thing. 

There was too much going on in Neil’s mind. Andrew’s fingers wrapping around his hand, following him into the crowd of people, Kevin eyeing them as they made their way past him. He was aware of palm against palm and how public this all was. It was Andrew’s own rule that he was breaking and Neil was the one...well, freaking out may not have been the right phrase, but maybe it wasn’t that far off. 

Andrew stopped then, and turned around so he was facing Neil, their hands still pressed together. He looped a hand around Neil’s waist, his hand hovering more than holding. Neil brought his hand up to Andrew’s shoulder and felt like that was wrong. He felt like all of this was wrong because of how not wrong it felt. 

Because as they started dancing, feet moving and bodies swaying just enough to call it dancing, it felt natural. Nothing felt awkward or out of place as Neil suspected it might. It just felt like dancing and that’s what made all of this weird. 

And because of that, Neil focused on their hands. That seemed safe. Linked together, just for a moment, the only thing that remained consistent throughout this strange, lucid, experience. It felt grounding, like if Neil kept watching their hands fitted together, he would remain tied to Earth and not lose himself to whatever weird dream he was having. He didn't really understand that himself, but it kept him sane while it happened. 

For a second, Neil peeled his eyes away from their hands and found himself staring at Nicky instead. Nicky was dancing with Erik - of course - but was watching Neil, looking absolutely delighted by this moment that was happening in front of him. 

Neil did not want to endure this and looked at Andrew. This, just as looking at Nicky had been, was an accident. He’d just needed somewhere else to look besides Nicky’s outward expression, and he found Andrew. 

Funny, when he thought about it, that that’s how this whole thing started. Neil needed something - anything, really - to dispel Nicky’s nattering and Neil had turned to the first thing he could: Andrew. And now, Andrew was looking back. 

The fact that Neil could easily read Andrew’s expressions had been something he’d taken pride in recently. They’d spent enough time together in the past month that it had become hard to miss certain looks. But Neil had never seen this one before. 

This was not sharp. He wasn’t even pretending to be. What it was could not be described as gentle, but it was certainly subdued in a way Neil had never really seen before. That quintessential sharpness of Andrew’s gaze was replaced with ease. Like right now, nothing existed but him and Neil if he didn't look away and it would be so much simpler if that were the case. Neil thought maybe he was looking into that a little too much, but it was the same way he’d felt when he’d been staring at his and Andrew’s linked hands and he knew he had carried that same look. And right now he realized that Andrew’s eyes were golden. Little flecks of it embedded in his eyes that made them sparkle. How had he never noticed that before?

And then every single conversation came back to him. Everything that Renee and Allison, Kevin, Aaron, even Nicky had said something about him and Andrew. ‘Don’t take it too far,’ or ‘You seem happy together.’ Or anything that questioned the nature of their relationship, or lack thereof. Neil remembered it all, and he remembered all of the quizzical looks, and it was one thing to hear or see them on their own, but to have them come back to him one after the other; it was a lot. 

And it made him aware of Andrew’s hand on his waist. It was no longer simply hovering there like it had been to start; now it was actually fingers splayed against him and palm pressing right up against him. And even though there were two layers of clothing in between Andrew’s hand and Neil’s skin, he could feel it. He could feel the weight of Andrew’s hand and the warmth of it marring his skin. And Andrew’s other hand, pressed right against his own. Only a few minutes ago, a reassurance and now something else. Something that Neil didn't realize he was finally starting to understand. Palm against palm and fingers wrapped around knuckles and Andrew. Andrew staring at him right now. Watching him; seeing him. And then Neil felt it. 

The one thing he promised himself and others that this never was and never would be, he felt it. And he felt it like he’d been knocked off his feet, his world tilting sideways, his legs unable to hold him up anymore. It made him tighten his hold on Andrew and that made his grip on reality worse. But he held on for the rest of the song, his eyes closed because he couldn’t even look at their entwined hands anymore without thinking what he’d probably been feeling all along. 

But Neil stayed put for the remaining duration of the song. He was unsure just how long that was, though; everything felt a little off kilter right now, including time. But the song ended and the second it did, he dropped Andrew’s hand and stepped back. Andrew was still looking at him and Neil was still looking back, and Neil was not sure what he was supposed to do now. 

“I’m impressed,” Andrew said. It was the first thing either of them had said since the dance began. Neil was certain nothing would be the same because of it. “I expected you to bruise my feet.” Neil thought his next thought should have been more profound than what it was: _that’s what Allison said, too._

Neil studied Andrew. He was aware he probably should have said something, but right now he was pretty sure anything he said would make him sound foolish. And he needed to figure some things out. So he studied Andrew. 

He stared at his face - at his eyes - and examined it. He processed what it was he was feeling. And he realized nothing had changed. He felt the exact same way he had for a while now, only more panicked.

For just a second, Neil considered the possibility that it had just been the dance. The effect of standing that close, dancing with Andrew, their hands entwined; it was nothing more than a temporary side effect of their playing pretend at romance. But Neil looked at Andrew and he knew that wasn’t right. The way he was feeling was nothing new; what was new was his awareness. He liked Andrew and he had for a while now. For how long, he couldn’t say, but he knew these feelings were not new. He liked Andrew. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Andrew asked him. Neil pulled himself out of this rabbit hole for a moment. 

“Huh?” 

“Why are you staring at me like that?” 

“I’m not.” 

Andrew narrowed his eyes and then shook it off with a roll of his eyes. “Whatever. Don’t worry, I’m done with you for the night.” Andrew walked away and Neil didn't wait for him to be out of sight before he made a break for the exit, hoping the fresh air would help clear his head.

Of course, his first thought was that if Andrew was done with him for the night, they were done with each other for good. They agreed once the wedding was over, so were they.

_Good._ Neil thought. If this was the way he was feeling, it was best to end things as soon as possible before things got complicated. 

He pushed his way through the doors, expecting breath to come back easily with the fresh air but found his chest remained tight. _This was not a part of the plan. _

Neil stayed outside for a few more minutes in hopes of something. Air, a clear head, feelings to go away. Anything, really, but nothing happened. He went back inside feeling the same way he had when he went out. 

The wedding began winding down. Neil chose to sit the rest of it out, avoiding people’s attempts at conversation and politely declining the invitations to dance. Nicky and Erik said their goodbyes and made their grand exit. 

Neil watched them as they made their way to the door. As soon as they walked out the door, Neil thought, his charade with Andrew would be over. No more having Andrew drive him to work, no more running errands with him, no more fake lunch dates, no lying to Nicky, lying to anybody. No more pretending; back to normal.

In a weird way, Neil was sad. He knew it was for the best given his newfound knowledge of his own feelings, but it had been fun. Spending all that time with Andrew had been more fun than he would have expected. Except that’s exactly why it needed to end. 

Renee and Allison appeared at their table. Renee had a jacket on and Allison had her purse slung around her shoulder. 

“Are you leaving?” Neil asked them. 

“Yeah. Someone is a little drunk,” Renee said, eyeing Allison whose eyes were droopy and face flushed. “And we’re both pretty tired.” 

Neil hesitated for only a second. “I don’t suppose you’d be willing to give me a ride home?” 

Renee smiled. It was tired, but as polite as she always was. “Of course.”

Neil thanked her. He would have liked to have just left right then, but he decided that wasn’t fair to Andrew. He’d hoped to be done with him for the night - for a while, even - but he owed him this. He went off in search of Andrew, ready to spend their last seconds as a ‘couple’ by ending the night early. It was for the best. 

Neil found Andrew sitting by himself at the head table. He was nursing a practically full drink and looking rather bored. Neil felt a pang of something he didn't really understand as he approached. He hoped he wouldn’t need to figure any of this out and that it would all just go away. 

“I’m getting a ride with Renee and Allison.” Neil said, in lieu of a hello. 

Andrew looked up, dropping his straw, and stared at Neil for a second before replying. “Why?” 

“They’re leaving and I’m tired.” He hoped to keep the discussion to a minimum. The less time he spent with Andrew right now, the better. 

“I won’t be here much longer.” 

“It’s fine, Andrew. Have a good night.” He walked away before Andrew could say anything else and made his way back to his table where Allison and Renee were waiting for him. He ran into Kevin before he could get very far. 

“So are you broken up yet?” He asked. 

Neil was tempted to glance back at Andrew, but he wasn’t so sure that would be a good idea. “I guess so.” If Neil had known Kevin a little bit better and Kevin wasn’t such good friends with Andrew, he probably would have told him the truth. Instead, all he said was goodnight. Kevin was not the right person to talk to about this; thankfully, Neil knew who was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shut up i know andrew info-dumping is out of character but i don't care, actually


	4. four

Neil woke up the next day feeling hungover, despite having been completely sober by the time he’d gotten home. A wedding hangover, maybe. Was that a thing? Or a breakup hangover? He knew _that_ was a thing, but he wasn’t sure that’s what this could be. Technically, in order for there to be a breakup, there needed to be a relationship to begin with. And he had not been in a relationship. 

His coffee wasn’t even done brewing when there was a knock on his door. He kind of regretted inviting Matt and Dan over this early. If he’d known he’d feel this way upon waking up, he wouldn’t have. But it was too late now. He opened the door and found them standing on the other side holding a tray of coffee and a box of donuts. 

Dan and Matt looked Neil up and down. “Looks like you had a fun night.” Dan said. Neil opened the door wider and let them in, but before he shut the door behind them, he glanced across the hall. At Andrew’s. He wondered if he was home right now. If he was, he was probably sleeping. Neil shut the door before he could let his thoughts get out of hand and turned to his friends. 

They were both standing at the table, organizing the breakfast they had brought over and Neil was suddenly very grateful for their arrival. He’d made himself his own coffee, but sometimes take-out was so much better. He joined them, taking the coffee meant for him from Matt, and moving over to the couch. Dan sat next to him and Matt took the opposing chair. 

“So,” Matt said. “What’s wrong?” 

“Why do you assume something is wrong?” Neil asked. 

“Because you asked us to come over the day after a wedding while you were still at a wedding. No one wants to hang out the day after a wedding. So, what’s wrong?” 

Neil relayed the prior day’s events back to them. Starting with Andrew lending him his car, about the conversation they’d had about Nicky - without detail - and even about Andrew bringing Neil’s outfit because he’d known Neil would forget it. Every moment he’d had with Andrew the day before, including conversations he’d had about Andrew, all leading up to the moment he and Andrew had danced together, and ending with his car ride home. 

When Neil finished, Matt and Dan did not look surprised. They didn't look confused or even skeptical. Matt looked sympathetic, which was not out of character, and Dan had a look that Neil couldn’t read. That usually meant she was judging him a little bit. When they realized he was done, Dan and Matt exchanged a look. Which, again with the couples and their shared looks. Neil was sick of that. 

“So you broke up with him?” Matt asked. 

Neil decided not to point out that it wasn’t technically a break up since they’d never technically been in a relationship. There was no point. “Yeah, that was the plan.” 

“But you have feelings for him.” 

“Which is why I ended it. Even if that hadn't been the plan, I couldn’t keep up with that if I like him. Especially since he did this as a favor to me and only sees me as a friend. If that.” 

“Okay, Neil…” Dan said, leaning closer to him. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but...Andrew didn't need to help you near as much as he did.” 

Neil looked between Matt and Dan. “What does that mean?” 

“It means he went above and beyond, when he didn't even need to help you to begin with. And if everything you’ve said about him is true, Andrew doesn’t seem like a very charitable person. So...why help you at all?” 

Neil considered it, but whatever she was going for, she was wrong. “But he didn't do it for me. He did it for Nicky because he knew it would make him happy. 

“I know,” Matt said. “But why go through so much trouble? Why lend you his car, drag you along on all these errands when Nicky isn’t even around, bring you to all the wedding party things?” 

Neil took another second to think about everything his friends were saying. He was starting to realize what they were getting at and he wasn’t sure he liked the implication. “You guys think Andrew likes me.” 

“We aren’t saying that,” Dan said hurriedly. “We’re just saying it’s a possibility.” 

“No.” Neil said. “No...He wouldn’t have agreed if he liked me.” 

“You wouldn’t have agreed if you liked him at the time. But you do now.” Dan pointed out. 

Neil didn't say anything. He couldn’t process all of this. First his own feelings the night before, and now the potential for Andrew’s feelings now. And who was to say that was even true? Certainly not his friends who didn't even know Andrew and just wanted to make Neil happy. They could have just been saying all of this to make Neil feel better. It wasn’t true. It couldn’t be. 

“Look, Neil, just talk to him. Tell him how you feel.” Dan said.

“I don’t-” 

Dan put her hand over Neil’s in the space between them. “Just think about it okay?” Neil nodded, not trusting his words. 

A silence fell between all of them, allowing Neil to process everything or trying to find a transition to something less uncomfortable. Whatever it was, Matt spoke after a while and eased the tension like he always did. 

“So other than that, how was the wedding?”

Neil gave them little bits and pieces, still unsure of himself. But soon, just as it always did with them, it became easier. He filled them in on everything from the day before and it didn't take long for him to forget his worries. He told them about meeting Bee, Abby, and Wymack. About Bee dancing with Nicky and his talk with him after. All good things, and very little mention of Andrew. 

Dan and Matt stayed for the majority of the day before they left Neil on his own. He was feeling pretty good by the time they said goodbye, but as soon as they shut the door, things came back to him. And he was stressed and confused again. 

It did not help when, after dinner, there was a knock on his door. Neil knew who it was going to be even before he opened it but he still felt his heart sink to find Andrew on the other side. He wished he hadn't opened his door.

“Are you done being weird yet?” Andrew asked. 

“Most people choose ‘hello’ as a standard greeting.” Neil said. Andrew didn't say anything back. “What do you want?” 

“I already told you, but you decided to be a smartass about it and waste both of our time.” 

“When was I being weird?” Neil asked, circling back to the original, unavoidable question. 

“Almost always, but I”m specifically talking about last night.” 

“What, when I caught a ride with Renee and Allison instead of you?” 

“That’s part of it.” 

“Well…” Neil said. He should have prepared for this. He knew it was going to happen sooner rather than later, but he hadn't really expected it to be today already. He really wished he hadn't answered the door. “I just figured the reason you’ve been driving me around everywhere is because of Nicky, and…” He trailed off. Andrew could probably piece together the rest. 

Andrew looked at him like he hadn't, though. “No one would have thought it weird for me to drive you home even after Nicky left, if that’s what you were worried about. You live right across the hall from me.” 

“But I told you I was tired and wanted to leave. It wasn’t that big of a deal.” 

Andrew was quiet again. He eyed Neil, obviously aware there was something being unsaid, and then looked away when he couldn’t find answers. “No, I guess not.” 

Neil could tell he wasn’t the only one that was holding back and it made him think of what Dan and Matt had said that morning. But he didn't want to think about that. He didn't want to talk about that. 

So instead, very quietly, he said, “This was the plan, Andrew.” He hoped Andrew wouldn’t notice whatever it was that was lingering in his tone. Whatever he couldn’t seem to shake. Some kind of desperate hopefulness that he was internally wishing away. 

“Yeah, it was,” Andrew said. “But was the plan to cut me out as soon as Nicky was out of sight? The moment he walked out of that banquet hall, you were going to be done with me? Didn't need me for your lies anymore so you want nothing more to do with me?” 

“No, of course it’s not that.” For half a second Neil thought about telling the truth. It would probably diffuse this situation. Of course, it would set off a whole new one by doing so. 

“Alright, well it doesn’t matter to me.” Andrew said, before Neil could even decide what to do. “We can go back to being just neighbors like you’ve obviously wanted this whole time. I don’t give a fuck.” 

“Andrew…” But he was already walking away and no longer listening to anything that might follow Neil’s pathetic appeal. He waited until Andrew closed his door before he decided waiting for him to come back was pointless. He closed his door and felt like shit. Worse than he had when he woke up that morning. He should have just told the truth.

\---

Neil didn't see Andrew on Monday. He didn't see him on Tuesday, either. Or Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. Not once, that week, did they run into each other. It was weird having to drive himself to work all week. He’d had to the last couple of weeks before the wedding, too, but that had been different. This was so permanent. And it was his fault. 

On Wednesday, after work, Neil went to Sweetie’s in hopes of ‘accidentally’ running into Andrew without making it look like he was trying to run into Andrew. He found it pretty quiet and very void of Andrew. Neil did, however, find Renee cleaning tables. She turned when he approached.

“Hi, Neil.” She said. “How are you?” 

“I’m fine.” She tilted her head, clearly not believing him. “Andrew isn’t here, is he?” 

“No, not since yesterday morning. Why, is something wrong?” Funny, Neil thought, how she just knew. Although, possibly surprising considering for weeks leading up to the wedding, Neil knew about Andrew’s whereabouts at almost all times. 

“I don’t think so,” He lied. “I just haven’t heard from him since we ended this whole thing.” 

“Oh,” She said, not unkindly. “So you guys broke up, huh?”

“That was the plan,” Neil couldn’t imagine how many times he’d said that, or some version of that. 

“Hm.” Neil could tell she was about to say something that he really didn't want to hear. “You know, I saw you two dancing at the wedding.” Of course she had. “It kind of seemed like it could have been real.” She had to know that it wasn’t. Neil doubted Andrew hadn't spoken to Renee about all of this and he doubted that he hadn't had to reiterate just how not-real this whole thing had been. 

“It wasn’t,” Neil said. “It was all for Nicky’s benefit.” He’d said that a lot, too. 

“Hm,” Renee said again. She picked up her tray, propped it on her hip, and smiled at Neil. It seemed like it should have been condescending, but it wasn’t. Not even a little bit. “Well, you could have had me fooled.” She shrugged and then shook her head. “But what do I know, right?” Something. She knew something that she wasn’t saying. This much was obvious, but Neil wasn’t going to pry. 

Instead, he said, “Listen, I know this is unfair to ask, but if you happen to see Andrew…” 

“Don’t worry,” Renee said. “I won’t tell him you were here.” Neil thanked her and took off, going straight home. He regretted stopping by in the first place. 

So Neil didn't see Andrew all week. He didn't hear from him once. If he hadn't occasionally heard the jingle of keys through the door or seen his car parked outside, he may have been worried. Everytime he heard Andrew out in the hall he was filled with both relief and guilt. Neil was desperate to see Andrew - to make things right - but until he sorted through...everything, it was best to stay away. Best for the both of them. 

\---

Nicky was back to work on Monday. Neil had known this day was coming, had been counting down the days until he had to break the news, but it still came too fast. He got to work first that morning and nervously tapped his fingers against the countertop. 

Neil’s head snapped up when the door opened and there he was, stupidly tan and quite literally glowing. Neil felt dread sink in when he realized he was probably about to diminish that glow quite a bit. 

Nicky smiled widely when he saw Neil. Neil’s smile was real, despite the mild despair he was feeling. It was good to see Nicky - it usually was - and it had been fairly lonely at work without him. Nicky joined him behind the counter and immediately launched into conversation. Asking Neil questions, talking about the honeymoon, talking about Erik, and Neil let him. He didn't want to ruin the mood so quickly, so he let Nicky ramble on about everything, making up for a week’s worth of missed conversation. 

“Do you want to see pictures?” Nicky asked. Neil nodded, but he barely had time to do so before Nicky was shoving a thick stack of new, still-glossy pictures in Neil’s hands. 

Nicky kept talking as Neil flipped through what seemed to be 50 of the same pictures of sunny Greece. Most of them were both Nicky and Erik, but there were a few with just one of them, clearly shot by the other, and a few of the scenery. Which Neil had to admit was gorgeous. 

Neil was pretty sure he’d looked through nearly all of them when Nicky said something that caught his attention. “Hey, by the way, is Andrew okay? I’ve tried meeting up with him a couple times since I got back, but he’s been pretty elusive. I went over there once on Saturday, but he wasn’t there. I even knocked on your door ‘cause I thought you both might be over there, but you weren’t.” Neil slowly lowered the pictures onto the counter. He’d seen enough. He hadn't been home on Saturday; he’d gone over to Matt and Dan’s because the idea of Andrew being right across the hall was weighing too heavily on Neil’s mind. 

But now Neil knew he couldn’t put this off anymore. He had to tell the truth. Or...the version of the truth that Nicky had believed. He didn't look at Nicky right away. 

“Yeah, um...we actually, sort of broke up.” Neil looked up just in time to see Nicky’s expression shift from bright, happy, nothing-can-tear-me-down!, to utter devastation. He was quiet for a moment and Neil relished in that, knowing when he finally found his words there would be a lot of questions and a conversation Neil wasn’t looking forward to. He let Nicky sort out his thoughts. 

“What? Why?” Neil thought he sounded like that of a child who just found out his parents were getting divorced. 

Neil was careful to avoid the ‘why’ in Nicky’s question. “I’m sorry, Nicky. I know you really wanted it to work out.” Now Neil thought _he_ sounded like a parent who had just told their child they were getting a divorce. 

Nicky was clearly shocked. He stammered out a couple of words and unfinished questions before settling on, “When did this happen?” 

“On Wednesday.” Neil had decided beforehand that it would be more realistic to say a couple of days after the wedding. “We both decided it was for the best.” He did his best to keep his answers vague, hoping they would be enough for Nicky, but he knew they wouldn’t be. He would need details. 

“I just don’t get it,” Nicky said. “I mean...he drove you to work every day. You spent all of your time together. You danced at my wedding _four days_ before breaking up. How did it go so wrong so quickly?” 

“I don’t know. I don’t think it ever went wrong, I just don’t think it was ever right.” 

“But you were so good together. You were both happy.” 

“I don’t know what to tell you, Nicky. I’m sorry.” 

Nicky was quiet for a second. “Well, you shouldn’t be the one comforting me. You’re the one who just got out of a relationship and I’m the one who just got married.” Neil appreciated the effort - no matter how out of place it was.

“Don’t worry about me,” Neil said. “I’m okay, and so is Andrew. It was mutual.” 

Nicky’s face was screwed up, trying to sort through all this new information. “Just...tell me why, at least. Because I really don’t get it.” 

Neil sighed. “I told you from the beginning: it was never really that serious.” 

Nicky didn't say anything for a while, and Neil thought he might let it go. He thought he may have been in the clear, at least for now, but then Nicky shook his head and his expression shifted. So did his tone. 

“You know, Neil, I’ve known Andrew for a long time. Granted, not as long as most people know their cousins, but for long enough that I know him and his life pretty well.” He sounded less sad and more deliberate. “I can honestly say I have never seen him treat anybody the way that he treats you. I’ve also never seen him as happy as he is when he’s with you. Those aren’t signs of a casual relationship.” Neil wasn’t sure he liked where this was going; it sounded pretty familiar at this point and it only ever confused him further. “You say it wasn’t serious, but he drove you to and from work every day. He dragged you along every single time he had to do something for my wedding. Allison told me he kissed you on the cheek, and then he asked you to dance with him. Those may not be signs of a serious relationship to you, but those are pretty big to Andrew.” 

Neil was quiet when he spoke again. “I never really thought of it like that.” And he was surprised to find that he meant it. 

“I’m just saying, I think you guys may have started that relationship in two different places. I’m not going to tell you to get back together with him - no matter how great I think you are together - but I do think you should at least talk to him. Figure out what it all meant to the both of you before you give up.” 

Neil was silent. He didn't know what to say; he didn't know what to think. He thought about what Renee had said on Wednesday; how for a second she really believed they were together. Nicky and Renee were two people who knew Andrew pretty well. If they saw something there, was it...possible? 

He didn't want to overthink it right now. Not with Nicky here and certainly not when he couldn’t do anything about it for hours yet. Instead, he got Nicky to talk more about his honeymoon, which he was happy to do, seeing that Neil didn't want to talk about Andrew anymore. It was a pretty good distraction. 

Neil didn't go home after work. He went to his building, up to his floor, but he went to Andrew’s door instead of his own. He realized he didn't even know if Andrew was home yet, but he hadn't really thought that or anything through on his way over. He was about to go across the hall to his own place when the door opened. 

Andrew didn't even have the courtesy of looking surprised to see Neil there. With his arms crossed and eyes hooded, he looked like he wished he was anywhere else. He looked bored and that’s how Neil knew that he was angry. Or sad. It was hard to tell, but whatever it was, it wasn’t happy. 

“What do you want, Josten?” Andrew asked. He leaned against the door frame, looking up at Neil like this conversation was already far too tedious for him. 

“Was any of that real to you?” No point in tip-toeing around it. There never was with Andrew. 

Andrew stared at him. “You know, most people choose a normal greeting, like ‘hello’.” 

“Andrew.” Neil had nothing else to do today, but it still felt like he didn't have the time for this. 

They stared at each other, two sets of stubborn eyes burning into each other, waiting for one to give up. It was Andrew that looked away, playing it off as apathy. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“You did way more than what we agreed you would, and you broke _your own_ rules. Why?” 

“Why did you agree to go to Nicky’s wedding with me when we agreed to ‘break up’ weeks before?”

Neil didn't like that this was being turned on him, but he wouldn’t get answers if he didn't give his own. “I did that for Nicky.” 

“And I already told you that’s why I did it, too.” 

“I don’t think that’s the only reason.” 

“Yeah? And what the hell do you know about me, Neil?” He was angry. It was weird to see it directed at him. 

“Fine. Let me ask you a different question: What made you agree to help me after refusing all weekend?” 

“I wanted to see all the bribes keep coming in.” 

“I think you’re lying.” 

Andrew watched him through narrowed eyes. Neil had no idea what was going to happen. He didn't know if Andrew would give him the answers he was looking for, or if all this badgering would drive them further apart than they already were. 

It was weird how only a couple of weeks ago they were never apart. And now, standing only a foot away, Neil had never felt further from Andrew. 

“If you have something to say, Neil, just say it.” 

Neil supposed that was fair. He wanted to get this over with and that would happen a lot slower if he kept dancing around the question. 

“Alright. I think you like me. I think you liked me before the wedding and that’s why you agreed to go with me. 

Andrew’s eyes widened only slightly, but not out of shock. This was amusement. “You think I _liked_ you? Are we in the fourth grade?” 

“Stop avoiding the question.” 

“You didn't ask me a question. You just told me what you think.” 

“Andrew.” Neil was tired of these games. 

Andrew looked at Neil for a long time and Neil wished he could read Andrew’s expressions as well as he thought he could. 

“Fine,” Andrew said, but Neil didn't really expect anything. “You’re wrong.” Neil almost interrupted, but Andrew lifted a finger in order to keep him quiet. “I didn't start _liking_ you before the wedding. I started _liking_ you right after you moved in and I found your stupid cat at my door, and when I brought him back to you, you said, ‘I love him, but he’s kind of a moron. He wouldn’t get very far’.” 

Neil was stunned. He’d asked, with expectations in mind, but he’d never really expected this. He didn't think Andrew would give him the truth, let alone an admittance of feelings. And he really didn't think everybody - Nicky, Renee, Matt, Dan, Kevin, Aaron - _everybody_ would be right about...them? 

And then something occurred to him. It was nothing profound, but it sure clarified a couple of things for him. “That’s why you initially said no to helping me. Because you didn't want to pretend to date me when you already had feelings for me.” 

Andrew didn't confirm or deny this. Instead he said, “Great, you got all of your answers. Are we done here?” 

He was already starting to shut the door, but before he could get very far, Neil spoke. 

“I don’t want to be.” It was quiet. 

So quiet that when Andrew said, “What?” Neil wasn’t sure if it was because he needed clarification or he actually hadn't heard him. Andrew opened the door a little wider. 

“I don’t want to be.” Neil said, louder this time. 

“You don’t want to be what?” Andrew asked, but Neil could tell by the look on his face that Andrew was putting the pieces together. He just needed to hear Neil say it, and since that was the whole reason he’d come over here, he decided that was fair. 

“I don’t want to be done.” Neil took a second to figure out what he was trying to say, but he didn't really have that kind of time. He’d started already, and now he had to say whatever it was he was feeling. “With you...Us. I want to keep going, or start over or whatever, but for real this time.” Neil looked at Andrew.

If Neil didn't know Andrew very well, his posture would have been discouraging. With his arms crossed, casually leaning against the doorframe, and a bored expression painted across his face, he looked truly disinterested in Neil’s proposal. But Neil could tell he had Andrew’s attention from the slight quirk of his eyebrow, the way he had leaned forward as Neil had spoken, and the exaggerated glare to hide how he was really feeling. But Neil saw through it. He knew he had Andrew’s attention. Maybe Neil was as good at reading Andrew as he thought. 

“Wow,” Andrew said after Neil came to a stuttering stop. “Allison was right about you being a smooth talker. Did you practice that speech on your way over here?” 

This didn't discourage Neil. He knew what Andrew was doing. “I wasn’t exactly expecting you to say you have feelings for me.” 

“Isn’t that the reason you came over here in the first place?” It was weird how well Andrew knew him. 

“I guess, but I really didn't think everybody was going to be right.” 

“Everybody?”

Neil considered his next words. “I told Nicky we broke up.” 

“Hm. I’m assuming that went poorly.”

“At first. But then he told me he’s never seen you as happy as you are with me.”

“He’s got an interesting view of happiness.” Neil ignored this and kept his gaze steady on Andrew. “How do you know that wasn’t just an act to make Nicky believe it?” 

“Because you already had him convinced. You didn't need to do that, too.” Neil was very aware that Andrew was purposefully avoiding the fact that Neil had basically asked him out. He wasn’t taking it   
personally. “You know I have feelings for you,” Neil continued. “And you just said you have feelings for me. So are we going to acknowledge that, or are we going to say it doesn’t mean anything and continue on like we’ve been for the last week?” 

Andrew carefully watched Neil. His gaze bore into Neil and settled on his face. “I believe you owe me a story first.” 

Neil had been prepared for a lot of different responses, but this had not been one of them. “What?” Andrew lifted up a hand and rested it against his own face, propping it up with his other hand cradling his elbow. With two fingers, he tapped his cheekbone a couple times, and Neil knew. He was talking about the scars on Neil’s own cheek and the story that went along with them. 

Andrew turned and wandered into his apartment, leaving the door open for Neil to trail in behind. He did. 

“So what you’re saying,” Neil said, lingering near the now closed door. “Is that if I tell you how I got these scars, you’ll give us a shot for real?” 

“That’s not what I said.” Andrew closed the fridge and sat down on his couch with two drinks in his hand. Neil sat on the other side and took one from Andrew. 

“But if that is what you were saying, wouldn’t that be starting a relationship on a condition? Like, you won’t agree to go out with me unless I do something for you?” 

Andrew looked at him. “If that is what I’m saying, that relationship would be based on your dumb mistake and an elaborate lie you had to bribe me to take part in.” Neil thought about this for a second and decided this didn't matter much to him. He was more fixated on the fact that he might have a shot with Andrew. 

“Okay,” He said. “But I’ll tell you now, my story isn’t as long as yours was.” He told Andrew his story. Starting with his father getting arrested when he was nine and how his life got better after that. “Mom sold the house shortly after and I always assumed it was because it reminded her too much of him. But it was because we still weren’t safe there.” 

Neil told Andrew about how often him and his mother moved around for a few years and when she finally paid off his father’s debts, life got a lot more normal. He told Andrew about how he started going by Neil instead of Nathanial, because that was a little too close to his father’s name. How his father killed someone in prison and that put his and his mother’s life at risk again. They moved around a lot more again before his mother let her guard down and decided they were probably safe, and that’s when they found them. 

“I was 13,” Neil said. “And they were there for me. My dad killed their son, so they were going to kill his. But they found my mom first. They came for me next, and I expected them to put a bullet through my chest just like they had her’s, but instead one of them found me hiding around the corner. 

“As I watched her approach me, all I could think was that my not-even-cold mother would be even more disappointed in me if I hadn't just watched her die, because I stayed still. I didn't run, and I could have. There was a backdoor. I was a fast kid. I was around a corner so they would have missed if they’d tried to shoot. But I stayed still. I didn't know how to run without my mother by my side.

“So she approached me and she pulled out a small knife, and I closed my eyes because I just wanted it to be over. I tried not to scream - it was the least I could do to honor my mother - but I couldn’t help it. She did this,” Neil gestured to his marred skin. “And I know she would have done more, finished the job, if it weren’t for the sirens. They decided they’d met their eye-for-an-eye goal, even if hadn't been the intended target, and that they should just leave. They left me alive and bleeding with my dead mother on the floor. 

“I don’t remember much after that. I remember the police walking in, finding me sitting next to my mom, holding her hand with blood all over my face. They tried asking me questions, but I couldn’t say anything. I remember the nurse stitching up my face and mumbling ‘it’s not fair’ over and over again. I could tell she was crying. And that’s all I remember for the first couple of days. 

“They kept me in the hospital even though my wounds were all dealt with, because I had nowhere to go. They managed to track down my Uncle Stuart - mom’s brother - and told me that he would be here as soon as possible and he would take care of me now. The next day, a police officer came to talk to me. I was used to that by then. Police had been trailing in and out since I’d gotten there to ask me questions, but this one wasn’t there to ask questions. This one was there to tell me my father had died in some sort of prison riot. So if I hadn't felt like an orphan already, I truly was one then. 

“Stuart got there soon, and I don’t remember much of those first couple of days, but the gist was that he was to become my legal guardian and I was to move in with him. Effective immediately. Two weeks after everything was processed, I officially changed my name to Neil and abandoned my father’s last name. I didn't take Stuart’s name, though, because it made me think of my mom. So I decided to pick something that was entirely my own, no connections to my father and no memory of my mother. Something just my own.” 

Andrew stared at Neil for a while. Roles reversed from the last time they’d sat on this couch, sharing stories. 

“So you went with Josten?” Neil wasn’t sure what he expected Andrew to say, but it hadn't been that. Although he wasn’t that surprised that this was what Andrew landed on, either. 

“Yeah?” 

“Of all the names you could have picked, why Josten?” 

“I don’t know,” Neil said. “I heard it on the news one day and I liked it.” 

“So you didn't pick something that was entirely your own. You picked something from some random stranger on the news.” 

“It’s not like I was going to find something entirely unique. Most last names are taken already.” 

Andrew stared at him again and then, in a more serious tone, “That’s pretty fucked up.” 

“Yeah,” Neil agreed, thinking they may have a serious conversation now. 

“Well, I do thank you for sharing your harrowing story, but it’s late and I have work tomorrow.” 

Neil looked at him, unsure if he was serious. “Really?” He asked. “That’s it?”

“Oh, Neil, I did enjoy your story, but I did make it clear that just because you shared didn't mean I would agree to date you.” 

This wasn’t Andrew saying no. This was Andrew needing time to think, and Neil understood that. He stood up and Andrew did as well, walking him to the door. 

“Alright,” Neil said. “Well, I guess I’ll see you around.” 

Andrew opened the door for Neil. “Well, it isn’t a very big hallway.” 

Neil began to walk out, but then stopped. He turned back. “Hey Andrew,” Andrew looked at him, and Neil didn't really expect to get an answer right away, but he asked anyways. “What did Drake do to you?” 

Neil immediately saw the darkness enter Andrew’s eyes. A shade he rarely saw these days, that made him feel cold. He couldn’t believe they were the same eyes he’d been looking into at Nicky’s wedding only a week earlier. Andrew cocked his head and that darkness vanished. 

“Whatever your brain is thinking up,” He put a hand on the doorknob and began to edge it closed. “It was so much worse.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well andrew got an info dump so why shouldn't neil, too? i'm all for doing things that are out of character :)))) also in case i haven't mentioned this which i don't think i have, the title of this fic is taken from the song 'heaven, we're already here' by the maine. which is one of my favorite bands ever. you should listen to the song and also them because they're amazing
> 
> also i know this chapter ends on a dark note but i want to reiterate that even though drake is mentioned in the next chapter, it's very very brief and there is nothing explicitly stated and no details at all


	5. five

Neil didn't sleep that night. It was hard to when there was so much running through his mind. Up until now, he’d never really let himself ponder everything that had been happening in the past couple weeks and now it was all coming back to him. The fact that it took him so long to realize that Andrew liked him filled him with embarrassment at his own ignorance. 

Looking back on it, there were so many obvious signs that he should have seen, but instead he’d been too focused on making sure Nicky believed their lie. He should have seen this. He should have paid a little more attention to Andrew. Although that probably wouldn’t have changed much of anything. He would still likely be exactly where he was right now: awake at 3:39am on a Tuesday. 

Neil did not see Andrew in the hall the next morning, which he was happy about, but he did see him that evening after dinner when Andrew knocked on his door. Neil wasn’t sure what to make of this random visit, but he was sure it wasn’t because Andrew had decided to give it a try. He was even more sure of this when the first words out of Andrew’s mouth were, “This is a bad idea.” 

It took a couple of seconds for Neil to piece together what this meant. “Okay.” And even though he was sure it wasn’t, he had to ask, “You aren’t put off by what I told you yesterday, are you? About my past?” 

Andrew gave him a look that confirmed Neil’s thoughts; that had been a stupid question. “Your past has no affect on my opinion of you. But you don’t know me, Neil, and I don’t think this is something either of us really wants.” 

“Okay.” He couldn’t help but be a little bit sad. He thought they’d gotten pretty close to something real and he’d been excited about the prospect. But if it wasn’t something Andrew wanted, there was nothing Neil could do about that. Convincing Andrew to pretend to date him was a lot different than convincing Andrew to actually date him. Neil was not going to do the latter. 

Andrew stared at him for a long time. His eyes wandered Neil’s face, searching for what, Neil didn't know. But he shook his head and then took a step back. “Alright. Well, I’ll see you around.” 

Before Neil closed the door and before Andrew got to his own, Neil spoke. “Well, it’s a small hallway.” Andrew looked back at him and Neil saw what was the start of a smile. Andrew stepped inside his own apartment and both of their doors fell shut. 

\---

Neil didn't expect to see Andrew the next morning. He assumed it would be like the week before where they did their best to avoid each other, but when he stepped out into the hall, Andrew did, too. Neil expected it to feel awkward. For some weird silence where neither of them knew what to say. He kind of thought about pretending he left something inside, but he knew Andrew would see through that, and then things would be even more awkward. 

But Andrew only nodded. “Josten,” He said. And Neil smiled. 

“Minyard.” They descended the stairs together, and it was silent but it was silent in the way it had always been; normal and comfortable. As they said goodbye, Neil thought that maybe things could be normal again. 

The rest of the week went something like that. Neil saw Andrew every morning and most afternoons when getting home from work and it was always the same. He hung out with Matt and Dan a few times, catching them up on everything that had happened. Dan apologized, saying she shouldn’t have pushed him so hard and Neil brushed her apology off. Nicky brought up Andrew once, asking if Neil had talked to him, and Neil informed him it wasn’t going to work out. They didn't talk about it again. 

Things returned to normal, just like Neil hoped. Just as he’d planned for it to when this whole mess began, and he wanted to be happy about it, but he wasn’t. He couldn’t be. 

Normal meant his relationship with Andrew went back to the way it was before. A greeting in the hall, walking down the stairs together in silence, saying goodbye as they went their separate ways. And that was it; nothing more, nothing less. And Neil hated it. How they went from neighbors, to what he probably considered friends, to so close to something a little bit more, and then back to the start. They were nothing again.

As happy as he was that things weren’t awkward between them, he dreaded watching Andrew walk out of his apartment every morning. He dreaded seeing him and knowing what they could have been. He dreaded seeing him and feeling that like a punch to the gut because his feelings hadn't gone away. They’d stayed right where they were and reminded him of their presence every time he saw Andrew. He missed being blissfully unaware of his feelings. 

There was a knock on Neil’s door on Monday evening and even though he wasn’t surprised to find Andrew on the other side, it didn't lessen the way he ached when he saw him. 

“Hey,” Neil said, like this was easy. “What’s up?” 

“Why did you give up?” Andrew asked. No preamble; there never was with Andrew, and it was something that Neil had always liked about him. He wished he didn't still. 

“What?” To be honest, preamble probably would have helped lessen the confusion right now. 

“When I told you it wasn’t a good idea. Why didn't you try to convince me otherwise?” 

Even with context, Neil was still confused. “Because you said no. I didn't think that was an invitation to keep trying.” 

Andrew’s eyes darkened like they sometimes did, and Neil wasn’t surprised to hear the name that often went hand-in-hand with that look. 

“I said no to Drake.” Andrew said. “That didn't stop him.” 

Neil opened up the door wider and let Andrew inside. 

\---

Details were kept vague. Nothing was explicitly stated and Neil still couldn’t fathom everything that had happened, but Andrew had told him enough for him to be horrified. To be left with a sick feeling in his stomach, long after Andrew said goodnight. 

They didn't see much of each other that week and Neil wasn’t sure if that was by design. These days it was getting harder and harder to read Andrew; especially since they hardly saw each other anymore. 

Neil saw Matt and Dan a lot. There was way more time for that now that this whole wedding business was done, and that was one thing Neil was thankful for. He’d missed seeing his friends as much as he used to, and he felt he needed them even more now. 

“So we’re kind of at odds because we disagree on what kind we want,” Matt said over coffee one afternoon. Neil sat across from him, just the two of them, and mindlessly stirred his coffee while listening to Matt. “Because I want one of those big dogs, like a chocolate lab or something, and she wants something medium. Like a beagle. She said since it’s our first dog and our first ‘big responsibility’ we should start out with something a little easier to manage. Also our apartment isn’t big enough for a lab.” 

“I’m gonna have to side with Dan here,” Neil said. Matt was visibly offended. “She’s right, your apartment isn’t big enough for a big dog. They like to run around and they need a lot of exercise. You don’t really have the space for that.” 

“Yeah, alright. Traitor.” Matt mumbled the last word into his coffee and Neil laughed. He’d missed this. “King probably wouldn’t get along with a big dog, anyways. Maybe a smaller dog would be better.” 

“Maybe. But I can’t really see King getting along with any dog.” 

“Well, he’s going to have to get along with mine. They’re going to be friends.”

Neil laughed again. “Dream big, Matt.” He grinned. 

“Okay, enough about me and my problems,” Matt said. “What’s going on with you? How’s post-fake-relationship life treating you?” Of course, Matt knew everything that had happened since after the wedding. He’d informed both Matt and Dan of the back and forth - obviously leaving out personal details. This was Matt’s way of asking if anything new had happened, and if Neil was doing alright. 

Neil shrugged. “About the same as it was pre-fake-relationship life. Everything has gone back to normal.” Albeit the horrible twinge he felt every time he saw Andrew now. That painful tug on his heart that reminded him of what he’d lost before he even had it. 

“That sucks.” It was nice how well Matt knew him. 

“Yeah, well. It’s not like I’ve lost anything.” Which was a direct contradiction to what he was thinking.

“Still. It sucks.” 

Neil didn't say anything for a while, but then he nodded. “Yeah. It sucks.”

And it did, no matter how much he tried to convince himself it didn't. 

\---

Neil saw Andrew again on Wednesday. For some reason, none that he could think of, he expected the next time he saw Andrew, something would happen. Not another admittance of feelings, and certainly not a relationship - that ship had sailed, and he knew that - but an acknowledgment that things were weird. He thought maybe Andrew would tell him he missed hanging out with him, or maybe that they both needed to get over themselves and move on. Something.

And even though Neil was aware that this was all just too unrealistic, he still felt his heart sink when all Andrew said was, “Josten.” He was starting to accept that this was what they were now. Back to the start, as though nothing had happened at all. 

It was another week before they saw each other again and that was both horrible and relieving. It was also not surprising when Neil opened the door to find Andrew standing there on Thursday evening.   
He looked stressed. Like he’d been standing there for a while before he worked up the courage to knock on the door. He looked torn between saying what he’d come by to say and retreating back into his own apartment. Neil said nothing, waiting for Andrew to make up his mind. 

“This is a bad idea.” And despite the negativity of Andrew’s words, Neil felt a spark of hope he’d finally given up on a week ago. 

But he didn't want to assume anything. “That’s what you said a couple of weeks ago.” 

Andrew nodded. He was watching Neil intently, in a different way than usual. Neil thought that he’d been so concerned with being able to read Andrew that he never considered how well Andrew could read him. 

“Yeah.” Andrew said. A definitive statement. Neil had a feeling whatever happened next would be life-altering. “And I meant it then, too.” 

“Andrew, you know I’m not making you do anything.” 

“Yeah. I know.” 

And then Neil understood. He opened the door wider and let Andrew step inside. He began to shut the door, keeping an eye on Andrew as he did so. Andrew stayed still, far enough inside that Neil let the door fall all the way shut. They watched each other and Neil took a few steps closer. Andrew did the same. 

Andrew stopped, just a short distance away, and Neil did, too. “There’s still a lot you don’t know about me, Neil.” Neil had never heard Andrew’s voice so low without any anger behind it. It was filled with a type of vulnerability that Andrew had never let Neil - or maybe anybody - hear before. 

“I know. There’s a lot you don’t know about me, either. But I hear getting to know each other is one of the best things about a new relationship.” Neil smirked, just a little, hoping to show Andrew that this was okay if he wanted it to be. 

Andrew got a lot closer - so close that if either of them moved in...Neil didn't want to let his hopes get up, no matter how real this was getting. Andrew’s hand wasn’t on Neil’s hip, but it was close enough that Neil could feel it. 

“Tell me no.” Andrew said. His voice barely above a whisper. Neil could feel his breath on his skin. 

“I don’t want to,” Neil said. “But I will if you want me to.” 

And Andrew’s hand was on Neil’s waist, but he only had a second to process fingers digging into his skin before Andrew’s lips were on his. 

And they kissed and everything else was numb. Everything but Andrew, and lips and teeth and tongue. It was nothing like Neil had imagined because he never would have been able to imagine this. Neil grabbed onto Andrew’s arm - the arm that held onto him - and his fingers wrapped around his bicep. The feeling of Andrew’s skin, softer than he expected, grounded Neil in the fact that this was real. The press of his lips and the taste of his tongue and the way that his mouth moved with his. It was all real. 

When they pulled away, Neil was looking at Andrew and Andrew was looking right back. It was so rare that they were on the same page when they looked at each other like this, but right now they’d never been closer to it. 

Neil let his breathing even out, or at least become stable, before asking, “What do you want, Andrew?” Hardly even a whisper, still not trusting his voice. Andrew didn't look away. Their gaze remained locked on each other, and the look in Andrew’s eyes made Neil wonder if he’d ever been asked that before. If anyone had ever had the courtesy of asking Andrew what it was he wanted. 

Andrew took a long time to answer, and if Neil couldn’t still feel the ghost of Andrew’s lips on his own he would have taken that as a bad sign. But Andrew lowered his gaze before going back up to Neil and suddenly Neil felt okay again. 

“This.” He paused. “You.” Neil felt that response in his chest, in his fingertips, in his knees. Everywhere. He tightened his grip on Andrew’s arm, not trusting how terribly unsteady he felt. 

“Are you sure?” 

“I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.” Andrew had a hand on the back of Neil’s neck. His fingers on his skin, in his hair, a thumb brushing against his ear. Neil couldn’t see straight, only the way Andrew stared at him like he’d never been so sure of anything in his life. Neil never had been. “What do you want?” Andrew asked. And Neil had been asked that before, but it had never felt like this and his answer had never come so easily. 

“I want to start over. Do this all over again, but for real this time.”

“Okay, good.” 

Neil caught a flicker of a smile before Andrew kissed him again, and it was that image that burned in Neil’s head long after Andrew went back home. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Andrew had said before leaving. Neil noted that it had been a definitive statement, as compared to the usual ‘I’ll see you around.’ and it made it easier to sleep, knowing what was waiting for him tomorrow. 

\---

When Neil woke up, it was with the immediate recollection of what had happened yesterday and it made him smile. It made him excited to get out of bed and it made him want to get ready as quickly as he could. For the past few weeks, knowing Andrew had been right across the hall had been painful for Neil to think about. Now, it was too much distance and all he wanted to do was close it. 

He went through his normal morning routine - if not a little rushed - and automatically reached for his car keys. When he stepped into the hallway, Andrew was already standing there, leaning against his own door frame as if he and Neil had explicitly planned to meet there. 

It made Neil think of all those mornings when they were just pretending, when this was a normal occurrence. This, or Andrew pounding his fist against Neil’s door to get him to hurry up so he could take him to work. Neil had begun to miss that, but this was so much better. 

Because Andrew was standing there, spinning his key ring around his finger, and holding a tray with two coffees from Sweetie’s in it in the other hand. 

Neil did his best to suppress a grin and failed miserably. “How long have you been standing there?” Neil askeed. 

“Long enough.” Andrew replied, but it lost any of the bite it once had. 

“Did you wake up early to get coffee when you could have stopped on the way there?” Neil was careful not to say ‘we’ because even though it seemed likely, he didn't want to seem too eager. 

Andrew shrugged and Neil’s smile grew. Andrew pushed himself off of the wall and walked over to Neil, then handed him one of the coffees. He didn't move away when Neil took the coffee.

“Is this okay?” Andrew asked. It was clear from the way he was leaning in he wasn’t referring to the coffee.   
Neil nodded and Andrew kissed him. 

It was nothing like yesterday when it had been new and passionate. This was still new, but it was over just as quickly as it had started. It hardly gave Neil enough time to revel in the fact that he was kissing Andrew, but it still left him unsteady when Andrew stepped back. 

The warm feeling stayed with him all the way downstairs and as they made their way to work. Together; in Andrew’s car. As soon as Neil sat down in the passenger seat, he sunk into the feeling of being returned something he’d lost. 

They were about halfway there when something occurred to Neil. “You know, Nicky is going to see you dropping me off.” 

“Mhm.” Andrew said. 

“What should I tell him?” 

Andrew thought about it for a second. “Well, I suppose you could come clean. Tell him he caught you in a rather coincidental lie, which led to bribery and even more deceit. That none of it was ever real, and you did it all to not break his heart.” Neil started to object to this, but Andrew kept going. “But then somewhere along the way, you realized you made a horrible mistake and had to come crawling back to me to beg for forgiveness. That, lucky for you, I was feeling generous enough that I forgave you and took you back for real.” 

“Andrew.” 

“Just listen, you haven’t heard your other option yet.” Neil listened. “_Or_, you can continue on with the aforementioned deceit. But this time, you realized you made a huge mistake and when you came crawling back I was feeling generous enough to take you back.” Andrew rolled up to a red light and tilted his head just enough so that he was looking at Neil. “Totally your call which one you pick.” 

Neil couldn’t contain his smile which was a really good feeling in itself. “I’ll try to decide which one makes you come out as the bigger person.” Andrew was still looking at Neil when he began to smile. They stayed like that for a moment, Neil grinning and Andrew on the precipice of a smirk. Andrew looked away when the light turned green and left Neil with that etched in his mind. 

Andrew parked the car and looked over at Neil. “I’ll pick you up at lunch.” Which was something that needn’t be said, but something about the confirmation made all of this feel more concrete.   
Neil got out of the car, but before he could close the door Andrew picked up Neil’s almost forgotten coffee and reached out, leaning over the console to hand it to him. 

“Thanks.” Neil leaned over the rest of the way to grab it and stopped, just shy of Andrew. It was a brief moment of uncertainty, but when Andrew shifted closer, Neil closed the distance and kissed him. “I’ll see you later.” Neil’s voice was shaky and unsure, and he headed inside before Andrew looking at him like that made it impossible for him to leave. 

It was immediately obvious that Nicky had seen Andrew dropping Neil off from the way he was smiling more than Neil was. And Neil was. 

“You know, I would almost think I was imagining that if you weren’t smiling so wide right now.” Nicky said when Neil walked behind the counter. “What happened?” 

“We talked through some stuff.” It was all Neil was willing to say. He’d lied so much in the past couple of months and he really hoped that could all stop now. Although, it was possible Nicky would see through him one of these days because Neil was unable to control his smile right now. It hadn't been like that when it was just a game. 

Nicky beamed. “I’m so happy you guys worked it out!” 

“Yeah,” Neil said. “Me too.” 

Nicky started rambling on about how this meant they could do more double dates, and how perfect he thought they were for each other, and how happy he was that it worked out. 

Eventually, Neil tuned it out. He got the point and he was happy, too - obviously - but his mind kept going back to Andrew. All day. Even when Andrew dropped him back off at lunch, his mind went back to him. It was not a productive day. 

Just before the turnover in shifts, the door opened. Neil didn't bother looking up because Nicky was already on the floor and he was sitting behind the counter. 

He didn't look up when Nicky very ecstatically said, ‘Oh, hi!’ because that was pretty standard, nor when he said, ‘I’m very happy to see you back here again.’ But Neil did look up when he heard Andrew speaking. 

“Blame Neil for that.” Andrew was standing with Nicky near the entrance. Nicky was looking at him, obviously wanting to ask him questions but knowing his boundaries, and Andrew was looking at Neil. He tilted his head up in acknowledgment before turning his attention back to Nicky. 

They chatted for a few minutes before Nicky claimed he ‘had work to do’ and disappeared into the back, sending Neil a suggestive look as he walked past. 

Andrew wandered around the store for a few moments, eyeing up random items, picking some up and examining them like he was interested. Neil watched this from the counter.

Andrew looked up at him after an excruciatingly long minute. “Are you ready to go?” He asked. 

“Did you really just come in here to ask me that when you could have texted me?” 

“Yeah. Is that okay?” 

“Absolutely.” Neil went into the back to tell Nicky he was leaving and ignored the smile he sent him. He and Andrew walked outside together and into his car. 

Andrew pulled away from the curb and right away it became apparent to Neil that they were not going home. This didn't surprise him. 

“Where are we going?” Neil asked. 

“You want to start over,” Andrew said. “So that’s what we’re doing.” He glanced up and down at Neil when they were parked at a stop sign and then nodded. “I’m glad you chose to put in some effort today.” Which was amusing because he hadn't. 

Neil was anxious to find out where they were going, although he had a pretty good feeling he already knew. “Maybe it’s because I knew you were going to kidnap me today.” 

“You chose to get in the car.”

“Well, you are my ride.” 

Neil knew Andrew wouldn’t tell him where they were going, so he didn't bother asking. Again. And it turned out he didn't need to, because his assumption was correct.

Andrew pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant where they had gone on their double date with Nicky and Erik. Which was the first thing they’d really done as ‘a couple’. Neil didn't want to seem overeager, but it was hard to contain it. This had been a meaningful gesture on Andrew’s part. 

They were led to a table, given menus, and ordered drinks. They stayed quiet for a little while, studying their menus, and every once in a while each other. Once they placed their orders, they began talking. Really talking. 

Neil told Andrew about being raised by his Uncle Stuart, and he recalled the few positive memories he had of his mother. Andrew talked about getting to know Renee, as well as a few stories of Aaron from when they were young. It was perfect and it was easy, and it was even better than a first date because this wasn’t some random person Neil was starting fresh with. This was Andrew and Neil knew Andrew. 

It was a dinner that Neil really didn't want to end, but when they got back home Andrew asked him if he wanted to go to his place for a drink. It was relief Neil felt at that question. The night was too early to say goodbye, so with an enthusiastic nod, Andrew opened the door and let Neil in first. 

It started out with conversation. Neil was surprised to find out they never ran out of anything to say, despite all they’d talked about over dinner. But when Andrew slid in closer on the couch and placed a hand on Neil’s neck, everything he planned on saying fell out of his head and was replaced by Andrew’s mouth - a feeling he was starting to become blissfully familiar with - on his. 

Neil sunk into it. His hand on Andrew’s knee and moving up to his hip as Andrew pulled Neil down on top of him. It was all hands in hair and rucked up shirts and lips on neck. And there was nothing else; nothing but him and Andrew. 

It was in the middle of all of this, of the sensation of Andrew all over him - the ghost of his fingertips on his collarbone and lips on his jaw and skin under his own hands - that Neil realized that while he had been waiting for this for a month, Andrew had been waiting for this for over a year. And not just this, what they were doing now, but all of this. Waiting for Neil; hoping that this could be a possibility. 

Neil kissed Andrew, and he kissed him again and again until it was all there was. Until it was all he knew how to do. 

It wasn’t until Andrew’s hand was under Neil’s shirt and his fingers brushed against the scars that they stopped. Neil froze. It wasn’t something he willingly displayed to anybody and he worried what Andrew might think. But Andrew flattened his palm against Neil’s back and he pulled his face away from Neil’s and looked him straight in the eye. 

“Can I see?” 

Andrew helped Neil pull his shirt up over his head, which was unnecessary, but made it a little easier. Andrew looked at the scars on Neil’s chest and abdomen before Neil turned around and he got a look at his back. He placed a finger on Neil’s shoulder and traced it down to the bottom of his shoulder blade. Neil shivered under the touch, and even under the intensity of Andrew’s gaze, Neil didn't feel like he needed to cower away. 

When Neil faced Andrew again, they stared at each other for only a moment. Andrew placed a hand on Neil’s cheek, his fingers curving around and his thumb hovering over his lip. It felt strangely intimate considering everything they had done since getting back to Andrew’s place. But Andrew looking at Neil in a way that made him understand every romantic cliche that had ever been written, it made Neil feel like Andrew was getting to know him for the first time. It made him feel known. 

He thought, for a second, when Andrew’s lips parted he was going to say something, but they both knew nothing needed to be said right now. Andrew brushed his thumb past Neil’s lips and kissed him and Neil wasn’t sure which part of that had caused his heart to start racing. Maybe he didn't care. Maybe all that mattered was that it was, and it was because of Andrew. 

\---

There was a cat staring at Neil when he woke up the next morning. This was not alarming in itself as there were a lot of mornings Neil woke up to King staring at him, but this was not King. He stared back at the cat, hoping for the disorient of sleep to fall off of him, and then remembered last night. 

He closed his eyes again and smiled at the memories. He’d been waking up like this a lot lately, with the events of the night before fresh in his mind, and it was something he was sure he could get used to. 

The last thing that had happened before they’d fallen asleep was Andrew taking off his shirt and then making out a little more. But it had been late and they’d been tired. Andrew had been there when Neil had fallen asleep, but when he woke up sometime in the night he was no longer there, having moved to his bedroom. 

Now Neil had woken up on Andrew’s couch with a blanket over him - something that hadn't been there when he’d fallen asleep. He smiled to himself. He sat up, stretching a hand out to Sir who was still watching him carefully. He looked around and quickly found Andrew in the kitchen, looking at him. 

“Good morning.” Neil said, because it really was that. 

“Hey,” Andrew said. “Do you want breakfast?” 

Neil stood up, stretched, and ambled into the kitchen. “You don’t strike me as the type to cook.” Although, he now saw that Andrew was already in the middle of making something. 

Andrew pointed his spatula at Neil. “For your information, I make excellent chocolate chip pancakes.” 

Neil shook his head, forever baffled by Andrew’s sweet tooth. “I don’t get it. You add something sweet to something that’s already sweet enough, and then you’ll put syrup on it as well.”

“And whipped cream. It’s called improvement.” 

There was a beat in which neither of them said anything; only looked at each other. Neil knew they were both thinking the same thing: this was still so new, by only a day and a half. Neil had never been one for serious relationships and he knew Andrew wasn’t, either. This wasn’t just new between them, but a new experience in general. And neither of them really knew what they were supposed to be doing. 

“Is this still okay?” Andrew asked, his voice quiet. 

Neil nodded. “For as long as it’s okay with you.” 

Andrew kissed him, and for as many times as they’d done it already, it never became less unbelievable that all of this was happening. 

“Breakfast sounds good.” Neil said, a little breathless despite only a brief kiss. 

Andrew went back to cooking and Neil made coffee while he waited. When they sat down to eat - which felt very domestic to Neil - Andrew spoke. 

“You know how we agreed to ‘do this all over again’? To start over?” Andrew said.

“Yeah.” It was irrational, but Neil had a momentary lapse of fear that Andrew already regretted everything. He brushed it off and decided to let Andrew speak first. 

“I have a condition.” 

“Oh? What’s that?” 

“No more wedding stuff. I’m sick of having to get all dressed up and give dumb toasts.” 

Neil laughed. “Okay, well my closest friends are already married, so you don’t have to worry about me making you go to a wedding.” The next thought Neil had was something he planned on keeping that way. He was used to keeping that kind of thing to himself by now, and he was sure Andrew was, too. But then it came back to him in a sort of outlandish way that he and Andrew were dating now. He no longer had to hide how he was feeling. In a moment of bravery, Neil decided it was okay to vocalize his thoughts: “But you do look pretty good in a suit.” 

Andrew looked at him for a long moment before lifting his mug up to his face and averting his gaze. “No weddings.” He muttered into his mug. Neil grinned, feeling like he’d accomplished something by managing to fluster Andrew. 

Neil ended up spending most of the day at Andrew’s. They didn't do much, but it was enough to just be with each other, even if all it was was sitting on the couch watching TV. Or beating Andrew at some video game. Neil felt victorious; Andrew tried to convince them both that he’d let Neil win. 

Sometime in the afternoon, Neil brought King over so he wouldn’t feel lonely. He had been a little wary about introducing him to Sir since King had never been around other animals much, but they both stayed out of each other’s way. 

They ordered what was either a late lunch or early dinner and threw on some movie neither of them were very invested in. After they finished eating, they sat against the couch with Neil in between Andrew’s legs, his back resting against Andrew’s chest. It was weird, Neil thought, how they’d only been together for a couple of days, but it felt so much longer than that. It was almost as if when they were pretending to date, the only people they were lying to was themselves. Everyone else had picked up on something between them except for the two of them and it turned out everyone else had been right all along. 

Neil went back home after the movie finished, kissing Andrew goodnight and still feeling, in the most cliche way possible, that this was still some sort of dream. He was only back home for a few minutes when there was a knock at his door. 

It was not weird to find Andrew on the other side, but it was weird to see Andrew holding a cat. _Neil’s_ cat. Neil stared at them, wide-eyed and confused, before looking back into his apartment as if his cat would suddenly appear there, as well. 

“You left this thing at my place.” Andrew said when Neil turned back. 

“I can see that,” Neil said. His thoughts had been so caught up with Andrew, he thought, that he’d forgotten he’d even brought King over. “Thanks for bringing him back.” 

“Yeah,” Andrew said. He handed King back to Neil. Neil looked at his cat for a moment, still feeling kind of confused, and then looked back up at Andrew. And Andrew was smiling. Not smirking, not just a slight twist of his mouth, but actually smiling. That was even more disarming than Neil opening his door to find his cat on the other side. Andrew continued speaking before Neil could react. “Well, I don’t think he would have gotten very far. He’s kind of an idiot.” 

Neil’s smile was slow, still trying to catch up with everything that had happened in the last minute, but soon it mirrored Andrew’s when he realized Andrew had just repeated some of Neil’s first words to him - the words that had made Andrew fall for Neil as quickly as he had. 

Seeing Andrew standing here now, just like the first time they’d met, made Neil realize how far they had come. From neighbors, to friends, then back to nothing. And now here they were, just like they’d been over a year ago but so much more. Neil regretted how long it took for them to get here. Knowing Andrew had been across the hall this whole time, wanting Neil the way Neil wanted him now. It was hard to not wonder how things would have been different if Neil had made this stupid mistake a few months earlier than he had. 

Andrew had been here this whole time and it took Neil making a stupid mistake to get to him. A mistake Neil had spent the last couple months regretting and wishing had never happened. Wishing he’d said anything else when Nicky asked him who he was dating. But lately, it didn't seem like such a mistake anymore. How could it when it had led him to this? When it led him to Andrew. Andrew, who had been across the hall this entire time, now standing at Neil’s door just like he had a year ago. And Neil was finally ready to let Andrew in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and there it is ! i don't know what to say i haven't written a full length fic in years. uhh hope you liked it? hope you enjoyed it? if you did go follow me on tumblr because sometimes i have good content @/nxah-czerny thank you for reading this and thank you for all the nice comments. i always love reading them and knowing what you're thinking :)


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